Wednesday, August 31, 2005

The Electric Lemon

Brought to you by the late Father Media, a wise soul who gave his eldest daughter a lemon and taught her to make lemonade.


The Electric Lemon was a full-size pickup in blazing highlighter yellow. It had been a city service/safety vehicle in its previous life, and Dad got a good deal on it and never repainted it. It even had a swiveling spotlight on top, which I was forbidden to use to blind my friends when I encountered them out cruising. And I did not do much cruising in that truck, because it's dreadfully difficult to sneak away for a joy ride in a small town when you're driving an Electric Lemon. Sometimes I wondered if Dad bought the most garish thing available for just that reason.


He didn't buy it to please Mother Media, that's for sure. As she mentioned in a guest blog post last year, "I hated that vehicle. It embarrassed me, but it made a lot of fishing trips & hauled a lot of firewood, which was its job description. It also hauled a couple Christmas trees & is responsible for making me wet my pants while sliding sideways down Redwater Hill when one of the tire chains snapped. Ugh!" Well, at least it was already yellow.


I did have to take the Lemon out on the road sometimes, though. Dad insisted that I learn to handle the full-size, stick-shift pickup on gravel and snow before I was allowed to drive the much more glamorous family car, a maroon Oldsmobile half a block long. Driving lessons were a Dad job, so he and I spent some harrowing hours on the back roads outside of town the summer I turned 14. (Yes, they let 14-year-olds drive in South Dakota. Might as well; most of them have been behind one ranch-vehicle wheel or other since their feet could reach the pedals anyway.)


This was yet another wise move on Dad's part. Thanks to his patient instruction, I grew into a capable driver who can handle most types of vehicles under most road and weather conditions. I've owned several stick shifts since then, including my very first car, Rene the Renault; the Green Albatross, which was a nice ride until my ex got ahold of it; and my little black Saturn, which was a nice ride until some farthead in a Plymouth plowed into the back of it. Gravel roads don't faze me because I know how to take them nice and slow. Snow doesn't faze me because I know when not to hit the brakes and how to cope with a skid. Every time I do, I'm rewarded with sweet memories of Dad.


Photos today? NO. Just think yellowy thoughts.


Today around the world: August 31 is White Rose Day (in honor of the late Princess Di) in Australia.


Monday, August 29, 2005

iBeat U Up

Brought to you by iRonny.


That's the name I've chosen for my iBook: iRonny. You know how I love iRonny. And you know how I love Rockapella. But sometimes the two don't mix.


The problem is the webcast. The webcast is a Rockapella concert that was broadcast live over the Internet many years ago, back in the early days of such things. A copy of the webcast file is a must-have for any diehard Rockapella fan, and many months ago, a generous friend sent me one.


I stored the webcast file on Sony, my PC laptop. There it resided in all its grainy, skippy, scratchy, garbly glory, and there it remains unto this day. When I got iRonny, I managed to transfer all my other files from the PC via a flash memory stick (sort of like a huge floppy disk, except it's neither huge nor floppy nor disk-shaped), but the webcast file was too big. I thought about uploading it to my Backpack file hosting site but didn’t because (A) I’d have to upgrade my account, which would cost a few bucks and (B) I’d have to get the PC back online, which wasn’t looking easy.


Then I got the bright idea to just go buy a bigger flash memory stick to transfer the webcast. I found a 512 MB one on sale for $29.99, down from its normal $79.99 due to a huge promotion/instant rebate. Bargain! Bought it. Brought it home. And guess what? My PC runs a version of Windows 98 so old it won’t support the drivers needed to install the 512 MB device. GRR! So I’ve got a dandy flash stick I don’t need (and the free USB cable that came with it), and I’m out $29.99, and the webcast is still stuck on the PC.


Yesterday a nice lady from DSL service came to Sensational Acres to fix the funky DSL jack in my office — yes, on a Sunday — so I could get iRonny online from the office instead of the bedroom. Cool. Then it occurred to me that the finicky modem might work for the PC if I plugged it into the bedroom jack. Separation of church and state, see: office = iBook, bedroom = PC. I’d just have to unhook everything, carry it over there, and hook it back up.


I was right! Mark the calendar! I got the PC online in the bedroom, upgraded the Backpack account after all ($10), and uploaded the webcast over the course of 2 hours. Then I moved the modem back to the office, plugged in iRonny, and downloaded the file over the course of another 2 hours. Clever, clever me.


The file won’t open.


I can’t open the webcast file the way I could on the PC because there’s no application associated with it. So I downloaded Windows Media Player for OS X — and I can’t open that either! What the hell? I could not find a way around this problem after an hour of cruising the WMP support pages. I’m stuck, I’m vexed, and I'm out $40. And it’s Rockapella’s fault.


On the up side, I burned my first illegal CD yesterday. It was Rockapella's hard-to-find album Primer. Take that, Rockapella.


Photos today? NO


Today around the world: August 29 is Slovak National Uprising Day in Slovakia.


Saturday, August 27, 2005

Halloween in August?

Too early! Shame on you, Marshall Fields!


Friday, August 26, 2005

Sorry about the photo snafu

I had cleverly stored my photos on a password-protected site. I've unprotected them, so you should be able to see them now. Please scroll down and try again.


Picspam

Picspam (PIK-spam). Spam, or unwanted e-mail inbox filler, consisting of pictures rather than text.


Brought to you by a little meme I borrowed from vegemiterules. You go to Google images and type in the topic you want a picture of. For instance:



where I was born: Heidelberg, Germany. Dad was stationed there in the Army for a few years. He and Mother Media had many adventures in Europe, of which I was but one.




where I spent most of my childhood: the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota. You owe it to yourself to visit this place at least once. Go in the fall when the air and the colors are crisp.




where I live now: the glorious Twin Cities of Minnesota. See that tallest building toward the left in the picture? I work across the street from it.





one of my nicknames: Only people at the T'ai Chi studio call me Kim-Chi. Kimchi is fermented sauerkraut known for its pungency. Yep, my friends love me.




my favorite color: cobalt blue




my favorite animal: This photo looks enough like Warren Peace, feline despot of Sensational Acres, to be his royal portrait.




my favorite drink: Ice-cold Coke from a glass bottle is best.





my favorite singers:

LEFT: Jeff Thacher, vocal percussionist of Rockapella. He's usually too busy spitting out drumbeats to sing, but when he does, it's lovely.

RIGHT: Rockapella founder and alumnus Sean Altman. Golden voice, saucy wit, cheekbones you could slice cheese on — what's not to love?





Thursday, August 25, 2005

Where's the Surgeon General when you need one?

On the heels of yesterday's discussion of acceptability, let's talk about other things that may or may not be acceptable. For instance, the photo below.

Remember that T'ai Chi retreat I went to a couple weekends ago? And remember how I said we were staying in the dorms at a boarding school? Well, it's not just any boarding school, it's a parochial boarding school. The beds are notoriously uncomfortable. The lumpiness of the plastic-covered matresses has been likened to a sack of cats — not that any of us knows exactly what it's like to sleep on a sack of cats, of course.

In past years, we've been housed in the girls' dorm, but this year, we were in the boys'. One of my classmates tilted his bedframe up against the wall to make room for his camping air mattress. The exposed bottom of the bunk, he discovered, bore some remarkable illustrations executed in black Sharpie marker. The stick figures and accompanying narration comprise a young man's guide to . . . um . . . personal fulfillment.

It wasn't terribly salacious material; the main instruction was to lock the door. But it was still amusing to think that teenage boys might actually need help figuring this activity out.



iName it

I've come up with a better name for my iBook than Bookie. I shall call him iRonny. Heh.


Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Acceptable

Brought to you by Psycho Suzi’s.



Last Wednesday I met GrassMaster for drinks and dinner at Psycho Suzi’s, www.psychosuzis.com, my new favorite tiki bar (and the only one I’ve ever actually visited). I strongly urge you to visit the web site; while you can’t get the full flavor online, you can at least get a taste.


I hadn’t seen GM in far too long, so we spent a couple hours whooping it up over tater tots, deviled eggs, incredible gourmet pizza, and drinks with names like Walking Dead. This something everyone ought to do at least once a month. From the carpeting that looks like a log cabin’s plank flooring to the multiply pierced/tattooed/dyed servers, Suzi’s is an Experience. The menu will make you laugh out loud, and the drinks are strong enough to set up echoing giggles for the rest of the evening.


A Walking Dead, like all Psycho Suzi’s cocktails, comes in a groovy, tacky tiki tumbler that makes you want to sing “I Want a Head Like the Heads You See on Easter Island.” Its alcoholic strength is illustrated by a tiki man in stage 2 of intoxication. In stage 1, Tiki Man stands quietly in his tropical shorts holding his mug of grog. In stage 2, he’s shaking his tiki groove thang and waving his mug. In stage 3, the strategically placed mug covers for the fact that he’s now waving the shorts overhead. Ah, good times.


I only had one Walking Dead with my meal, so I didn’t think I was too drunk when GM and I hit the chicks’ room on the way out. (I’m not being cute here, for once; the restroom choices are “chicks” and “dicks.”) There was graffiti on the chalkboard in there bearing my name and making reference to some rather personal facts about me, almost as if someone knew I was coming. I didn’t think that was too surprising; I am, after all, a world-famous blogger. But then as I dried my hands, a cute young thing turned from the mirror and gave me the once-over.


“Girl to girl,” she said, “you are acceptable.”


“Why . . . thank you,” I replied. Nice to know I meet the high standards of Psycho Suzi’s clientele. I heard a muffled giggle from behind a closed stall door, almost as if someone was eavesdropping. The truth is, though, I was looking pretty fine that day in my satiny skirt and sky-blue sweater.


But I wasn’t going to get off the hook that easily.


“Do you find me acceptable?” my new friend asked.


What do you say to someone who has just paid you such a gracious compliment? I said, “Um, sure!”


“Oh good! Then I can go in here,” she smiled, and ducked into an empty stall.


O . . . kay.


GM and I waited until we were safely outside to burst out laughing, and then the analysis began. First of all, we verified that I was indeed acceptable, and that GM was, too. That established, we began to parse the meaning of “acceptable.” Acceptable to whom? For what? In what context? And most importantly, did I just blow my chance to get picked up in a gritty urban tiki bar chicks’ room? I mean, I’d generally prefer to get picked up by someone from the other bathroom, but the young lady was pretty acceptable herself.


While GrassMaster and I did not solve all the mysteries of acceptability that night, we did determine that Psycho Suzi’s is the coolest hangout ever. Too bad it’s 20 miles from Sensational Acres. Riding the bus that far for tiki drinks is not quite acceptable, no matter how crispy the tater tots are.


Today around the world: August 24 is National Flag Day in Kazakstan and Liberia.


Monday, August 22, 2005

Summer of Geek Love

Brought to you by the nice people at Apple.


I fell in love last Friday. My heart’s delight is a new iBook G4 laptop computer. I’ll call him Bookie until we know one another better and I can think up a cleverer pet name. I do know Bookie is a boy, though, because he already got lost on the way to the Internet and refused to ask directions.


Bookie replaces my ex-laptop, Sony, a PC that has grown slow and cranky with age. It takes Sony forever to wake up. He doesn’t like to play my music, especially when he’s trying to do something else. He balks at chatting with my friends, refuses to speak to my Treo, and sends me packing if I spend too much time surfing the web. Don’t ask him to go outside; he’s tethered to his power cord. And don’t ask him to look at too many photos of CNE; he’ll just yawn and go to sleep. Despite our long relationship, I can never find where he stores important information. Also, just between you and me, I think he may have a virus he hasn’t told me about. Sony is, in other words, an old fuddy-duddy.


I met Bookie through my Macintosh-loving friends, always the best bet for a successful blind date. I was hesitant to give him a shot because I’d been with Sony for so long and feared change, but everyone assured me we’d get along great. I looked at his picture, read his profile on the web, and thought long and hard before picking him up.


But boy, am I glad I did! Bookie has none of Sony’s foibles. Bookie wakes up at the touch of a button, and he LOVES music. He spent all weekend gobbling up and playing back every CD I own, helpfully sorting the songs by artist, album, and genre. He also shows me movies, something Sony is too old-fashioned to do, and has room in his heart for all my hundreds of pictures. He even offered to turn them into a slide show.


Bookie loves chatting with my friends and thoughtfully tells me, in a gentle voice, when one of them logs on or off. He’s macho enough to cut the cord and run on his battery if I want to play outside for a while. He also loves my Treo; the two of them spent some quality time this weekend bonding over data exchanges, and Bookie even loaned Treo a few music files. Isn’t that sweet?


Also, I hate to bring this up, but . . . well, to put it bluntly, size matters. Bookie boasts a bigger display than Sony, and he’s not carrying any extra weight.


Which is not to say that our relationship has been all wine and roses. It hasn’t. As I mentioned before, Bookie could not find his way to the Internet when I first got him home, and it took a few hours on the phone with various tech support services, as well as a new Ethernet cable, to get him back on track. And now that we’re online, he’s being sly about where he stores our bookmarks. Do you suppose he’s just doing that to get me back for confusing him with that funky DSL modem?


Bookie has also refused to shake hands with Lex, my printer, although I hope that if I find the right installation disk to feed him, that will change. The way to a laptop’s heart is through its Superdrive, right?


Ours is an interformat relationship — Bookie is Mac, I grew up PC — but I’m already well on my way to converting. Not to be platformist about it, but there are certain things Macs just do better. They have a better immune system, for one thing; Bookie is unlikely to come down with most of the viruses Sony has to watch out for. Macs also shine in the areas of graphics and multimedia. Never mind that I don’t really need to create my own symphonies and movies at home; the point is that I could if I wanted to. I can find what I need quickly, and Bookie will help me if I ask. Plus, there’s an Apple store practically next door (at the Darth Mall), so if Bookie ever does fall ill, I can pack him across the highway to the Genius Bar for treatment.


Right now, my main complaint about Bookie is his lack of fashion sense. He insists on wearing white, which shows every hair my cats shed in his vicinity. Is it tacky to use a white laptop before Labor Day? Ah, who cares? In two weeks, the question will be moot. In the meantime, let the Summer of Geek Love continue!


Photos today? YES! Scroll down to see Bookie relaxing in our new home office, plus a bonus pic from Chef Jeff.


Today around the world: August 22 is hard to spend away from my new toy.


Norse Code

My brother-in-law Chef Jeff, despite transplantation to the desert southwest, remains a purple-and-gold-blooded fan of a certain northern football team. Here he toasts their upcoming season with the traditional squirt cheese and Ritz crackers.


Sunday, August 21, 2005

My new home office


Taste a laser


Saturday, August 20, 2005

iHeart iBook

Guess what I got!


Friday, August 19, 2005

Western Sandwich

Brought to you by Bruegger's Bagels.


The best things in life are free. If you can't find one of them at breakfast time, a close second will cost you just $3.49 at the nearest Bruegger's Bagels shop.


I’m talking about my new best friend, the Western Breakfast Sandwich. It consists of egg with roasted red peppers, raw green peppers, red onions, cheddar cheese, jalapeno bacon and chipotle sauce on the fresh, warm bagel of your choice.


First of all, this sandwich tickles my funny bone. I’m from the West, as in Wild Wild, as in cowboys and rodeos and sheriffs and shoot-outs, and I can tell you with certainty that bagels are not western. Biscuits are western; bagels are for east-coast city folk. Heck, I didn’t eat my first bagel until I went to college.


The roasted red peppers and the chipotle sauce on this sandwich also are not western. Red peppers, which are vegetables, are not cowboy breakfast food, and if they were, they certainly wouldn’t be roasted. Roasting is for sissies. Even the green peppers and onions are pushing it, but if you mix them with eggs, it’s almost okay. As for the chipotle sauce, that might be southwestern, but it ain’t western. Gravy (for the biscuits) and syrup are breakfast sauces. So is A-1 if you’re having a steak, which you really ought to do once in a while. That’s it. Chipotle sauce is some fancy thing made up by some fancy mincing chef from somewhere else.


Eggs are western. Cheese is western. Bacon is western, although jalapeno bacon is like a snake with legs: interesting and exotic, but not what nature intended.


While the name of the Western Sandwich at Bruegger’s sets off my hogwash-o-meter, the item itself sets off my salivameter. I happen to really, really like all the ingredients, and I don’t actually care about regional authenticity in my breakfast sandwiches. I ordered one on an asiago cheese bagel this morning, and let me tell you, it was sublime. Equal parts crunchy, chewy, savory, and sweet, it also pleases the eye with a blend of soothing neutral colors and just enough bright red and green to start the wake-up process. And the sauce kicks butt.


The Western Sandwich clocks in at 8.5 on the messiness scale, with 1 being astronaut food pellets and 10 being soup in a sieve. Sauce and roasted pepper juice will run down your hands, so you’ll want to wash up right after breakfast, and don’t forget to get some soap under your fingernails.


Overall rating: 5 yums out of 5


Photos today? NO. The MMS network is still giving me the e-bird.


Today around the world: August 19 is Apple Spas in Russia.


Thursday, August 18, 2005

Ignorancy

Brought to you by a lady on the train with a cell phone.


"I ain't got no time for ignorancy," the lady proclaimed loudly. I snuck a peek at her reflected expression in the window. She appeared to be speaking without irony.


A gem like that makes the whole trip worthwhile.


While a search of the Internet for "ignorancy" will yield multiple hits, a search of a dictionary will not, which just goes to show that there's room for everything in cyberspace, including ignorancy, irregardless* of correctness.


Same goes for "disgustment." Senor Editor once received a letter from a reader who was uncomfortable with some of the images published in the magazine. He sent along several of the offending pages, with an "example of disgustment" clearly labeled on each. (Mr. Reader was offended by what he felt were homoerotic photographs. It's a home improvement magazine. The "focus on the pelvic region" that concerned him so occurred in shots of the handyman model working on something at a waist-level workbench. Fully clothed. In some, he's even wearing a shop apron.)


Those are my two favorite made-up words. Got any to add?




* Irony intended! I KNOW that's not a word, OK?


Photos today? NO. MMS network is down AGAIN. I am NOT AMUSED.


Today around the world: August 18 is still part of the Montserrat Annual Pilgrimage.


Monday, August 15, 2005

Imagination Becomes Reality

I'm back, sunburned and sated, from the weekend T'ai Chi retreat. I underslept, overate, and practiced just the right amount. It was a fun and inspiring weekend, but I won't bore you with the details (for once). The main idea is that we focused on making time in our lives for the things that matter most, such as a regular personal practice. We also ate a lot of cafeteria food, told a lot of bad jokes, and discovered the Chia Shower, which is every bit as slimy and disgusting as it sounds. See photos below for proof.

You'll notice that there are no photos of people doing T'ai Chi. Two reasons. One: I was doing T'ai Chi, too, and decided I could not do photography at the same time. Two: People doing T'ai Chi don't like having cameras shoved in their faces, and can you blame them? They're trying to relax and concentrate. Our grandteacher, Master T.T. Liang, was fond of saying, "Imagination becomes reality." So just imagine 75 or so people floating slowly through the early morning sunlight with peaceful expressions on their faces. You'll wish you were there -- and for a few moments, you will be.


Saturday, August 13, 2005

Cloud Hands

My favorite T'ai Chi posture is called Wave Hands Like Clouds. it makes me feel light and drifty, substantial and insubstantial at the same time.


He coulda been a graduate

Backstage in the auditorium, actors sign their names on the wall. That's rumored to be THE Brando up there. However, he was expelled from this school before he graduated.


Quip of the day

"Chris laughs at his own mistakes. He's very self-defecating."


Chia shower

The charm of the dorm's exterior is in no way matched by its interior.


Worst. Freakin'. Shower. Ever.

From the thin trickle of water to the sudden variations in temperature to the tiny stall size, this shower has everthing you could want to start your day off with a shouted curse.


Friday, August 12, 2005

Dr. J

Jarvis autographed his portrait on screen.


Campus decor

Stained glass windows and oil portraits of headmasters past adorn the walls of the dining hall.


Campus chapel

Not Hogwarts, but close.


The student lounge

This building used to house a pool, but it was filled in to make this room.


Who needs Starbucks?

when that wake-up gong rings at 6:00 a.m., I'll be ready.


T'ai Chi retreat -- our dorm

Whipple Hall, believe it or not.


Ciao!

Bye! I'm off to the T'ai Chi retreat.


A wing and a prayer

My view out the airplane window on my May flight to Phoenix.


Pilgrimage

Today around the world: August 12 is Montserrat Annual Pilgrimage in Montserrat, a volcanic island in the Caribbean Sea.


Coincidentally, today is also the day I leave for the seventh annual T'ai Chi retreat, a.k.a. summer camp for grown-ups. Attending the retreat each August is my own sort of pilgrimage. It's a time to get away from the responsibilities of work and home and spend 48 hours concentrating on just two things: my art and my friends. Both get a reasonable amount of attention during an average week, but they're not front and center. Class is somewhere I go after the obligation of work; my friends are people I see after face time with my boss and colleagues. Work may be the main meal of the day, but T'ai Chi is the dessert. Ironically — or not, really — it's the dessert that nourishes most.


So I'll pick up the Kerner after lunch and we'll load the Subarushi with overnight bags, coolers full of imported dark beer organic wheatgrass juice, and other things we wouldn't carry on the bus, like swords and sabers. My job is to drive; hers is to supply the soundtrack for the hour-long drive to camp and back. We'll move into the dorms at a boarding school late this afternoon, two by two, and hang the keys around our necks on shoestrings. Then we'll gather for supper, introductions, and an overview of the weekend's agenda. After that we party.


Too early Saturday morning, someone will walk through the dorms ringing a small gong to summon us to the day's first practice. We'll grumble our way outside, coffee and Cokes in hand. Fog will clear as we complete a round of T'ai Chi. Breakfast, social time, workshop, social time, lunch, social time, workshop, social time, workshop, social time, supper, social time. Sunday: more of the same until we disperse in the afternoon to come back home.


The theme of this year's retreat is "creating your personal practice plan." I'm looking forward to this, because my plan could sure use some revamping. It will be a time to take stock: examine, sort, prioritize, winnow. It will be a time to relax and recreate, which is the root word of recreation. My annual pilgrimage may be brief, but I always return feeling refreshed.


Photos today? YES, and more this weekend if I get any decent ones


Thursday, August 11, 2005

Hi-tech-ku

If wireless magic
always keeps us connected,
why are we lonely?


Photos today? YES

Today around the world: August 11 is Chinese Valentine's Day.


greetings from a meeting

How am I supposed to concentrate with this carpet underfoot in the conference room?


Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Laser heart

That says, "You are a laser
my heart
is whipped cream."
Wow, bad photo.


It's Just Lunch Sad

Brought to you once again by my dating-impaired state.


Remember the other day when I carried on about (not) dating, and about a dating service called It's Just Lunch? Enough people (OK, El Queso Grande) encouraged me to check it out that I entered my name and phone number on the IJL web site to request a call back. A briskly perky young woman named Jackie left me a voice message within a few hours, and I called her back during my lunch hour on Tuesday.


The news about IJL is mostly good. The service is, as advertised, highly personalized. A prospective client meets with an IJL rep for an hour-long interview, during which the client's wish list is filled out in detail. The rep then sets to work matching the new client up with someone already on the rolls. The rep calls you with some first names (no last names) and descriptions within a few days, and you pick one. IJL makes a reservation for the two of you for lunch or after-work drinks. All you have to do is show up.


Your membership fee guarantees a minimum of 14 first dates over the course of a year. Jackie told me that 70% of IJL first dates lead to second dates. She also said that the majority of her clients are white-collar professionals like myself, many with advanced degrees, and that my preferred age range is rife with eager, eligible bachelors. Jackie's office is mere blocks from mine. She offered to meet me over lunch (duh) or after work some night this week. My nose started to twitch.


But there's some bad news, too: It's Just $1,500. Well, they're running a special summer promotion right now, so It's Just $1,300 for a one-year membership. Still, since I just repaired the fence at Sensational Acres, that's about $1,250 more than I have to spare right now — and, frankly, about $1,275 more than I'm willing to shell out.


So what's a dateless wonder Media Sensation to do?


The jury, unlike me, is still out to lunch on that one. My friend Kelly Green offered to find me a southern gentleman when I visit Dixie next month. That sounds nice. Meeting a guy in my own time zone would be even nicer, but I guess I'm not in a position to be choosy. Until that happens, I think it's time for a Kevin Kline/Vince Vaughn film festival at the Acres.


Photos today? probably


Today around the world: August 10 is Qiangtang Kyagqen Horse Racing Festivals in Tibet. Where are those studs when I need one?


Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Good goodies

Mmm -- chocolate-chocolate chip!

www.cookiecart.org


Zach & Jerrell

Cookie Kids Zach & Jerrell

www.cookiecart.org


Colleen

Cookie Kid Colleen

www.cookiecart.org


Cookie label

"The following Cookie Cart youth wish to personally thank you for your order.

We are very grateful for your business and are proud to call you Our Customer!"

www.cookiecart.org


Cookies with a Cause

The Cookie Cart is a non-profit organization where kids get leadership training, academic skills, job training, and some paid employment.
www.cookiecart.org


Monday, August 08, 2005

Baggage bonus

My new bag also makes a handy footstool.


Baggage

Brought to you by my newest toy, a small wheeled suitcase (see photo below/on home page).


Am I really excited enough about a $10.69 rolling carryon bag to blog about it? Yes, I'm afraid I am.


It goes like this. Once upon a time, I joined a T'ai Chi class. In the beginning, way back in the days when I still had a spouse with whom to carpool, he'd pick me up at work and take me back to the house on class nights. He'd even make me a sandwich while I changed clothes. Then I'd grab my purse and drive myself to class.


When I split with the spouse, I moved to a new home much farther away from the T'ai Chi studio, in an area with much worse traffic. It quickly became apparent that if I wanted to get to the studio with time to change clothes before class, I needed to throw my gym bag in the trunk of the Subarushi and go there straight from the office. This I did for several years.


My huge black duffel had room for everything a martial artist could want. The main compartment contained, on a maximum capacity day, two complete changes of clothes, a backup t-shirt, a pair of shoes, a towel, a pair of boxing gloves, and protective headgear. One large end pocket held my glove liners and bag gloves, boob armor (plastic inserts for my sports bra), and an elastic bandage so old it had melted onto itself. The small pocket on that end held my jump rope. The other large end pocket housed my notebook, while a handful of Clif bars rode in the smaller one. The larger front pocket was big enough to conceal my small purse, plus deodorant, toothpaste, and a toothbrush. The small front pocket held a tiny pink pouch for the jewelry I always remove before class, plus sunglasses and car keys.


Wow, you're thinking. That is a major crapload of stuff. Is all of it really necessary?


The answer is yes. And you thought T'ai Chi was a simple art? Hah! I only need the boxing gloves and headgear on Saturdays, and some days I only need a single change of clothes, but everything else is pretty much necessary. I always need to change clothes and shoes, squeeze in a few minutes of aerobic rope jumping, eat, clean up, and make ready to take notes on my instructors' wisdom. Meanwhile, my workday clothes and purse need someplace to reside while I do so. I need a sizeable bag.


Then this spring I got a new job and with it, a new commuting routine. Instead of the Subarushi, I now get from place to place via train and bus. Whatever I want to take with me, I must move with my own power.


I'm sure you see the difficulties inherent in this arrangement. It took just a week of shouldering el bolso grande several blocks, two or three times a day, to convince even this habit-bound creature that a change of plans was in order. I jammed everything but the gloves and headgear into a smaller bag, breaking out the big one only on Saturdays. I also reminded myself to alternate shoulders so as not to stress just the left one.


The new plan met with only limited success. The small bag was still heavy, especially with the addition of my packed lunch and whatever book I was reading on the train (curse you, hardcover, 9500-page Harry Potter!), plus maybe an umbrella and a light jacket for yucky days. I realized that I had been pretty much living out of my car before.


As if that's not bad enough, I'm not ambi-shouldered. I can only carry a bag or purse over my left shoulder, which apparently has a strap-sized groove in it to keep things from slipping off. The right shoulder, lacking the groove (which would explain a lot about my dance style), is useless. Even if I sling a bag diagonally, messenger style, it still comes to rest on my left hip. Result: muscle strain along the left side of my torso.


Did I mention that T'ai Chi is supposed to be a health-enhancing practice?


I'm as macho as they come (see above re: boxing), but this was getting ridiculous. Taking my cue from the yuppies towing rolling briefcases all over downtown, I decided to put my act on wheels. I strolled over to Target one lunch hour and bought a wheeled frame to which I could bungee my big bag, figuring I could pull it around with no stress at all.


That was a great idea except for the part involving the bungee cords, which tended to come bungeed, and the bag, which tended to slouch and spill over the sides, and the frame, which tended to fold up and tip over at inopportune moments. I think the cart would work fine if laden with boxes or other firm items, but a squishy gym bag doesn't force the frame to stay open. I've retired it to the garage for the next time Hannibal Lecter needs a lift.


Meanwhile, my spine was becoming a question mark. So I went back to Target today, bit the bullet, and shelled out $9.99 + tax for a 19-inch wheeled carryon. No frills, just one main compartment, two small zippered pockets on the front, and a handle on top. There's room in there for my pared-down stash, and I even managed to cram the retired duffel into the bottom for the journey home. Since it's smaller than my original bag, I already know it will fit neatly beneath a train, bus, or plane seat (not that I often commute by plane, but you never know).


So far, I like this one. It's true that I managed to get the rollybag stuck in the first revolving door I came to, and that I dragged it blindly into several displays in Barnes & Noble, and that I pulled it too close and knocked one of my sandals off, and that I nearly lost it to traffic on the slight slope of a pedestrian crossing, all on the one-block trip back to work. This is why I started with a cheap one.


But now I can relax in true T'ai Chi style. Once I've had a few months' training on the new system, I may graduate to one of the sleek Eddie Bauer wheeled duffels with multiple pockets and handles and straps in stylish designer colors. I'd buy it in black, of course, and since it would have wheels, I wouldn't need the straps. But I'd have a choice. Choice is where it's at.


Remind how clever I am when it's time to talk about my emotional baggage.


Photos today? YES


Today around the world: August 8 is V.J. Day in the U.S.


I have baggage

I got tired of killing my shoulder with a heavy duffel bag and bought this little rolling one instead.


Stripes

Close-up of Warren Peace's handsome grey tabby coat.


Sunday, August 07, 2005

Fence after vandalism

3:12 a.m. Snap. Snap. Laughter.

I was too groggy at the window to understand what had happened until the voices disappeared around the block.


Saturday, August 06, 2005

Peter Cottontail

Sorry, that's the closest I could get.


Bunnies live under here

The west side of the backyard shed -- plenty of room for bunnies to scurry beneath when Warren the Mighty Hunter comes bounding across the suburban savanah.


Friday, August 05, 2005

Astronaut Pants 4


Woo Who?

Brought to you by my occasional, usually easily squelched curiosity about how the other half lives.


Yesterday while browsing at B&N, I spotted the 'It's Just Lunch' Guide to Dating in the Twin Cities. Hmm. I actually picked up the book and looked at it. I've been date-free for quite some time and relatively glad to be so. Reason: I have a gift for attracting complete losers.


I had a Match.com profile up for a couple years after I got divorced, and at no time did it lure a man I would consider an acceptable dating partner. Not a single one. Much-vaunted Harmony.com yielded exactly zero matches over three expensive months. My Soup Group-subsidized foray into speed dating was a fiasco as well, but at least I got a few stories about it.


Perhaps it's all my fault. Admittedly, my standards are high. By "acceptable" I mean


  • heterosexual (Mark)


  • has own mode of transportation (Mike)


  • tells me the same name he signs on the credit card bill at dinner (Jeff/Geoff/Greg)


  • posts his own photo in his online profile (Jeff/Geoff/Greg)


  • does not spit in my driveway (Clark)


  • does not spend an entire Christmas party comparing VW mileage with a nerdy coworker while ignoring me completely (Clark)


  • does not share all his bisexual S&M fantasies in the first e-mail ("Spike")


  • not a professional ticket scalper (Jason)


  • does not have a handlebar mustache (Brad)


  • lives somewhere other than with his parents (Brad)


  • does not send me a photo of himself in his parents' attic with his hand down his pants (Brad)


  • doesn't feel obliged to point out that he "never hits women even when they deserve it" (Brad)


  • not married (probably more than I think)

Picky picky? Damn right. I don't play hard to get, I am hard to get. And I'm willing to hold out for the fantastic man I deserve.


Yet I still occasionally feel as if I ought to want to date. Securing a mate is, after all, the primary burning desire of the unattached female, right? Riiiiight. So I think about throwing my garter belt back into the ring. Immediately I tense up, start glowering, and have to abandon the idea until my blood pressure comes down. This can take weeks. Sometimes months. In the meantime, the already mated — that would be pretty much everyone I know — give me sympathetic looks and encourage me to hang in there.


Feeling brave yesterday, however, I looked at the Guide. Gave it the old college try. The book is full of cheery chapters on topics such as attitudes to cultivate toward dating, places to go to pick up dates, places to go to get in the mood for dates, places to go on dates, things to do on dates, things not to do on dates, signals to look for from your dates.


But for some reason I cannot find the chapter on meeting heterosexual, available, financially stable men in their mid- to late 30s and getting them to talk to a woman of similar age and circumstance. The only piece of advice I could actually use doesn't seem to have made it into the book. And believe me, I do need help in this area! My friends don't know any single guys to hook me up with, the T'ai Chi studio is notably short on eligible bachelors, and I don't have the patience to hang around grocery and hardware stores looking hopeful.


Of course, I could always sign up for the It's Just Lunch dating service, a "specialized dating service for busy professionals. We minimize stress and maximize efficiency by sending people on casual dates over lunch, brunch, or drinks after work." You tell them what you like and they handpick dates for you. Sounds good, right? But the web site doesn't tell you what the fee is, and I'm pretty sure this service ain't free.


So. Do I try this one or not? What's a date worth? Am I willing to give up any free time for this? Do I need the annoyance? Would I even get any annoyance — would anybody seem like a match for me? Do I really want to try dating again, or would I just be doing it for the blog fodder? Are there, in fact, any decent catches left in my age group, or should I just be patient and wait for their first wives to start dying off? I'm ambivalent. Help me out here.


Photos today? YES


Today around the world: August 5 is National Children's Day in Tuvalu.


Mug shot

Tea packs more punch from a fun mug.


Thursday, August 04, 2005

My Favorite Martin

Cheeky Proto-Protestant winks from a t-shirt at a conference for women of faith.


Fence after


Knickers & Dosh

Brought to you by Briticisms I enjoy, because I can't seem to form full sentences today.


bloody: a cuss word you can slip past American censors


bum: somehow less tacky than your butt


cack: crap


candy floss: makes cotton candy sound dentist-recommended


car park: an entertaining place for your car to wait for you


dosh: money that sounds like dessert


flat: easier to say than "apartment"


flog: to sell aggressively, as in to beat people over the head with ads


kerb: the "k" more accurately reflects my feelings when I trip on one


knickers: so much classier than underwear


ladder: accurate description for a run in your nylons


lift: what an elevator does


loo: nicer than a bathroom


maths: short for mathematics instead of "math." One math, two maths?


off your trolley: out of your mind.


on holiday: more festive than a vacation


on the pull: on the make; out to pick up a date


park the leopard: more exotic than blowing chunks


pile of pants: load of crap


scarper: to escape


slag: to dis


torch: makes every flashlight occasion a cave-crawling-amongst-mummies occasion


Photos today? YES


Today around the world: August 4 is Coast Guard Day in the U.S., a day for protecting your eye-opening soap.


Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Hi, Five

More meme madness! By fives this time.


5 snacks I enjoy: ice-cold Coke from a glass bottle, dill pickle potato chips, ice cream, chocolate, almost anything fried (but not squid, and nothing with "oyster" in the name)


5 bands/singers that I know most of the words to most of their songs: Rockapella, Sean Altman . . . uh . . . Barenaked Ladies, Moxy Fruvous, XTC once upon a time . . . I don't listen to music that much.


5 things I would do with $100,000,000: ensure that Mother Media retires in style; fund education for everyone related to me by blood and a few people who aren't; add to endowment for the T'ai Chi studio; travel; make improvements at Sensational Acres (dormer windows, bathroom upstairs, new carpet)


5 places I'd like to run away to: Australia & New Zealand, New York City, British Columbia, Bangkok, Iceland


5 bad habits I have: picking my cuticles; expecting people to do things the right my way; eating junk food; slugging out in front of the TV rather than exercising; compulsive blogging


5 things I like doing: writing, reading, T'ai Chi (studying and teaching), laughing with friends, laughing whenever


5 things I would never wear: anyone else's underwear, thong underwear, a cheerleader outfit, heels too high to walk comfortably in, anything with "Tommy Hilfiger" or other gratuitous logo on it


5 TV shows I like: Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Northern Exposure, The X-Files, Arrested Development. Yes, I know most of these have not been on the air in this century. What can I tell you? Current network TV stinks and I don't get cable. I do get Netflix, though, so I might order up Sex and the City sometime. For the glamorous shoes, of course.


5 movies I like: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Rumble in the Bronx, Real Genius, Zoolander, Pride & Prejudice


5 famous people I'd like to meet: Stephen Hawking, Eleanor Roosevelt, Marie Curie, Wil Wheaton, David Foster Wallace . . . wow, power-geek list


5 biggest joys at the moment: financial stability, home & cats, working in the same building as a bookstore, T'ai Chi, family's good health


5 favorite toys: Treo, DVD player, central air, Netflix, that zippy little device that helps me open the shrink wrap on new CDs/DVDs


Photos today? NO, or at least not yet. MMS is constipated again — but it appears to be a network problem, not a malfunction of my Treo.


Today around the world: August 3 is Pidjiguiti Martyrs' Day in Guinea Bissau.


Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Fence during fixing

New 2 x 4 replaces rotted rail.


Fence before

Rotting rails, missing pickets.


It's all about meme

Brought to you by a tired old meme that everyone else in the blogosphere finished with months ago.


According to Wikipedia, in casual use, the term meme often refers to any piece of information passed from one mind to another. In other words, this is one of those lists that gets e-mailed around for bloggers to fill out and send back to their friends. You can send me yours if you like.


10 years ago: I had been out of grad school and living in the Twin Cities for two years. I had just moved from a "garden level" apartment in an "up and coming" neighborhood (basement, dodgy part of town) to a nice flat with a balcony in a stable suburb. I had escaped the Slap Factory and was on my second job, the one with the screwy night and evening shifts. I was having my first few dates with a coworker, Paul, whom I would later marry.


5 years ago: I had just begun a job with a startup health magazine. My husband had been gone for three months and I have not seen him since. The divorce would be final at Thanksgiving. He never really told me why he left, but it had something to do with him needing to save someone and me neither needing nor wanting to be saved. I took up boxing.


I was in the midst of packing and selling the house we'd bought together. I made a deal with him, by which I mean to say that I issued this edict: "I will keep all profits from the sale of the house, and in return, I will never ask you for alimony or financial help of any kind." It seemed like a reasonable arrangement at the time. The Internet bubble had not quite burst yet and Paul, an web site design consultant, was making more than twice what I did. He took the deal. I bought my own house, Sensational Acres, with the money. I heard he had a breakdown of sorts and lived in his pickup for a while.


I amused my coworkers by posting a silly band name on my office wall each day. When people began to ask where the names came from, I started writing down the situations that had inspired them.


1 year ago: I visited Sister-san in Phoenix in August to spend a few last sisterly hours together before she gave birth to the Cutest Niece Ever six weeks later. My head swam with the notion that my baby sister was becoming a mother, a far more grown-up thing than I had ever done.


I was restless in my prestigious editorial job at the health magazine, reminding myself hourly that every other English major on earth would kill to be in my position while realizing that that position was unlikely to evolve. I was making enough money to get by, not enough to save for emergencies or a rainy day.


The long commute from home to work to T'ai Chi studio to home was driving me nuts, so I played my imported, out-of-print Rockapella albums to death for something to do. I spent a lot of time composing blog entries in my head. A lot of time.


yesterday: Bemoaning my travails as a single homeowner, yet still reveling in being one, I hired a guy to fix my cute white picket fence. He didn't, and I had to call to chew him out. He promised to do the work today instead. If he doesn't, he's fired.


Rather than drive, I rode the train and bus between home, my new office downtown, and the T'ai Chi studio. I love the guaranteed hour or more of reading time I get using public transportation.


I talked to Kelly, a much-missed college friend, about visiting him over Labor Day weekend for an enormous sci-fi convention. It's settled. I'm going. I'm excited!


I taught a first T'ai Chi lesson to a teenage boy who had passed out cold, crashing to the floor, during the meditation 20 minutes before.


I posted photos and text to my world-famous blog using a handheld wireless device that fits in my purse with room to spare.


today: On the train this morning I read If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor. I saw author Bruce Campbell at a screening of his newest B movie last week.


I have 3.5 hours' worth of meetings today. During my lunch break, I'll stroll across the street to the two-storey Target to get my cat Warren Peace a new collar. I love working downtown and being able to run errands on foot.


After work I should go to the T'ai Chi studio for my pushing-hands and two-person dance classes, but I might go straight home to inspect my fence instead. I'll buy my plane ticket to the con today, maybe during lunch.


tomorrow: I have only 1.5 hours' worth of meetings tomorrow — so far. One of them is the health and wellness committee, which is helping me launch a workplace T'ai Chi group in a few weeks. We'll discuss times, places, and publicity.


Wednesday is my first free evening of the week, as I get home late from classes on Monday and Tuesday. I might watch the Netflix movie waiting on my coffee table (Sophie's Choice, yet another classic I've never seen), or I might spend some time on the phone to tech support trying to resolve my Treo data backup problem, or both. If a certain a cappella DVD arrives from Japan, I'll watch that instead. I'll shop online for housewarming gifts for friends who have just moved.


Photos today? YES; yesterday's problem appears to have solved itself . . . for now


Today around the world: August 2 is St. Elias Day in Macedonia.


Monday, August 01, 2005

no astronaut pants . . .

. . Just commuter khakis.


Remission accomplished?

If this entry posts, my diseased MMS may have gone into spontaneous remission after all!


The living is easy.

I worked hard all weekend long. Really!


Grumpification Proclamation

Brought to you by technical difficulties.


Well, my friends, it looks like the photoblogging is on hold until further notice. My Treo's MMS application has developed an attitude problem that is not easily fixed (unless it goes into spontaneous remission), so I cannot send photos to the web site. Here's the deal:


  • MMS croaked on Friday. The Treo crashes every time I tried to send a photo or text message using that application.


  • I took my device to the T-Mobile store over lunch today. Goran, the in-store tech guy, spent 45 minutes on the phone to tech support, 40 of those on hold. No exaggeration. I timed it. And Goran had dialed the special direct number, not the one mere end users like me usually get.


  • Tech support told Goran that they'd need to do a hard reset of my Treo. Since that wipes all data a user has entered (phone numbers and other contact info), I would need to reload my data from the backup on my home computer.


  • I explained to Goran, who relayed the info to tech support, the utter failure of tech support to fix or even adequately address my backup problem during my several calls to them back in April. I CANNOT back up my data, and they have extensive record of my phone calls about that unresolved problem.


  • Goran meekly suggested backing up my data onto a computer other than the one that has the problem. But I don't have a spare computer lying around, nor any friends with spare computers lying around, and using my work computer is out of the question. I CANNOT back up my data. Back up I cannot. Get it?


  • No, they didn't get it. Goran explained this to tech support — the ones with the records in front of them, remember — again. Although his face changed color, he remained outwardly calm.


  • "Oh, so you don't have a way to back up the data?" tech support asked.


  • No.


  • "You're hosed," tech support said.


  • OK, they didn't actually use those words, but that's the message I got. The Treo needs a hard reset, and that's going to wipe my data. So Goran finally wheedled a "direct" phone number I can call, and a few code phrases I can drop, when I'm at my home computer. In theory, the tech support person to whom I whisper these sweet nothings will walk me through a fix for my backup problem, then do the hard reset, then walk me through restoring my data from the backup.


  • I have no faith that this will work. What I foresee is the backup operation failing utterly, followed by me cursing fluently with my hand over the phone, followed by me waving bye-bye to my contact data when we do the hard reset anyway.


  • This has had a grumpifying effect on my Monday. I'd rather go to the dentist than call tech support. I'd rather file my taxes than call tech support. I'd rather change a dirty diaper and empty the cat box than call tech support. But I will call tech support on my first free evening, which is Wednesday.


  • If I had to stare at a stranger for 45 minutes, at least Goran is cute.

Photos today? NO, dammit


Today around the world: August 1 is August Holidays and Bank Holidays in many parts of the world. Apparently my MMS program is with those vacationers in spirit.