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Brought to you by randomly firing synapses.

My parents told me a great many things when I was growing up. Most of the information was useful. In fact, I can’t think of much that wasn’t. (Okay, the part about broccoli being good simply is not true.) My folks are pretty dang sharp.

Periodically, when I catch myself thinking or doing something a certain way, I remember where I learned it. Here are a few notions that have been knocking around in my head lately.

From Mom

• Raise and lower a full glass slightly in time with your footsteps. The up-and-down motion will help neutralize the side-to-side sloshing, resulting in fewer spills. I think Mom learned this when she was a carhop at her local A&W trying not to spill root beer on her customers, but it works with hot tea, too.
  
• Use your butter knife, not your fingers, to push food onto your fork.
  
• If your date wants you to dress to match his car, he’s probably not your dream man.
  
• Peanut butter gets bubblegum out of long hair. Mother Media should know; my grade school friends and I all had long hair, loved grape Bubble Yum, and lived on the windy plains of the wild west.
  
• Cowboys don’t drink bathwater.
  
• “Fingers in your ears!” Mom always said this to a carload of kids prior to shutting the doors to make sure no one’s fingers got crunched. It's good to know where your fingers are.
  
• Tease gently or not at all.
  
• Learn to golf and play bridge so you can socialize with business associates. I’ve learned both and needed neither, but I have learned the value of knowing which topics help keep water cooler banter alive.
  
• Carry Kleenex in your purse. You never know when you’re going to need it.
  

From Dad

• If you start to skid while driving a stick shift, put the vehicle in neutral. It’s easier to control when the gears aren’t engaged.
  
• Use your wit to amuse, not to abuse. If you must snark, reserve it for the company of a few close friends whose discretion you trust.
  
• Travel light. Actually, Dad was infamous for carrying this one to extremes. As a college student, he embarked on one weekend jaunt with friends with nothing more than clean socks in his suitcase.
  
• Don’t send a letter you wouldn’t sign your name to. In other words, no anonymous rants to the editor of the local paper. No hate mail.
  
• Green olives bob up and down in beer. Try it.
  
• You don’t need a lot, you just need enough. Except when it comes to Christmas presents.
  
• “I’ll give you $1000 to elope.” Dad said this to me when I was in junior high. Perhaps I had just mentioned having a crush on a boy, prompting jokes about the expense of paying for a daughter’s wedding. I thought $1000 an astronomical sum at the time and didn’t give the remark much thought until it came time to plan my actual wedding. Poor Dad! And he didn’t even like the groom. If there’s ever a Wedding 2.0, I’ll do my best to keep it under a grand.
  
• Learn the rules of football so you’re not bored. Not only is this true, but if you’re actually into the game, you’re entitled to join in the chipping and dipping, too.
  
• The snake is just as scared as you are. While intellectually Dad knew this to be true, in practice he was prone to jumping and hollering, a tradition I proudly uphold.
  

Today around the world: January 9 is both Balloon Ascension Day and National Clean Off Your Desk Day in the U.S. Then you send your desk detritus up up and away, right?