03/19/04’s illustrious band:

Hasta Amana

Brought to you by my late, great Amana refrigerator.

I arose to greet the day early on Wednesday morning. My refrigerator did not; it had blown a fuse during the night. I reset the fuse, but when I got home from work that evening, the light was on, but nobody was chillin’; the food in the fridge was warm and damp. Since the unit was old anyway, instead of repairing it, I made plans to shop for a new one the next day.

After work on Thursday, off I went to a store where scratched and dented appliances are sold for reduced prices. I was befriended immediately by CJ the Salesman and His Amazing Salt-and-Pepper Pompadour. When we headed for the higher-end models, I quickly graduated from “Miss” to “Dear lady.” CJ, like his hair, was nothing if not smooth.

I had measured the space my fridge sat in so I’d know what dimensions to shop for. As we strolled the aisles talking capacities, brands and prices, I quickly realized I’d forgotten one important fact: the color. I could not for the life of me remember whether my kitchen appliances were white or bisque (off-white). How embarrassing! I’ve made daily use of these things for more than 3 years, yet I could not recall the color.

Technology to the rescue! I whipped out my cell phone and called the person most likely to have this information, Mother Media. She remembers important details like these. Unfortunately, she was not available, so I was left with two choices: Go home, check the color, and come back, or record some serial numbers, go home, check the color, and call back. I opted for plan B, and we proceeded.

In the end, I bought the most expensive refrigerator I looked at. It has the freezer on the bottom, accessible via a slide-out drawer rather than a door that would require me to stoop and reach for contents. This puts the chocolate milk at eye level. This fridge also has deep door pockets and adjustable glass shelves that won’t leak liquid spills into the space below. No icemaker; it’s not compatible with my plumbing scheme. The slight dent on one side will be out of sight against a wall. I went all out with the extended warranty, too. Gotta spend that huge tax refund somehow! I’m expecting delivery Monday during the lunch hour.

Oh, and the color? Bisque.

Today around the world: March 19 is St. Joseph’s Day in quite a few countries.

BND BONUS: Bury St. Joseph

originally posted in early July, 2001

As legend has it, St. Joseph was the patron saint of carpenters, and therefore of homebuilders. Someone who is selling a house is supposed to bury a likeness of St. Joseph in the yard for good luck with the sale. The likeness can be a medal, a statue, or a picture. Depending on whom you ask, he should be facing either toward the house or toward the street, or both. After the sale, you're supposed to exhume St. Joe and take him with you to your new home for continued prosperity. I don't know whether he goes inside the new house or back into the turf, though.

I first learned of this little rite during my recent [July, 2001] sojourn in Missouri, where my grandmother's house was slated for auction 6/30. Has anyone else heard of it around here? Anyway, the family, with all due ceremony and colorful party horns, buried color printouts of St. Joe downloaded from the 'Net, which we left to biodegrade in the back yard because Granny isn't buying a new house. No word yet on how the auction went, but I did take a few moments on Saturday to chant the ritual prayer: Go, Joe! Go, Joe! Go, Joe!

[Editor’s note: The auction fetched a reasonable price.]

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