03/10/04’s illustrious band:

Wise Cracker

Brought to you by MarsCon 2004.

At 11:00 on Saturday night, two dozen people crowded into a hotel conference room to watch a man crack a whip. The man was Robert Dante, Guinness record holder for most whip cracks in one minute: 203. He informed us that the “popper” on the end of the whip is traveling faster than the speed of sound when it generates its crack, which is certainly fast enough to lacerate flesh and break bone. Dante dressed in a Doc Holliday frock coat and string tie and sported a full head of shaggy white hair under his black hat. His assistant, the brave and daring Tina, wore a dancehall costume of tight bodice and tutu-like skirt, with a strip of lace around her slender neck.

In classic Wild West fashion, Dante used his whip to cleave a sheet of newspaper into smaller and smaller pieces as Tina held it carefully away from her torso. He snapped a playing card from her fingers and a cigarette from her lips; he even whipped the flame off of a candle in her outstretched palm without splattering any melted wax. Dante also flicked plastic strips held behind his back himself, out of sight. And he demonstrated his control of the lash by causing it to wrap around Tina’s limbs or waist to pull her toward him for a peck on the cheek.

The most interesting part of the act was the black light show. The piping on Dante’s lapel, boots, belt buckle and hatband was done with paint that glowed under black light. He had a couple of whips that glowed and a great stock of expendable glowing Styrofoam strips. It was really cool to see the visual vapor trail left by the fluorescent lashes -- especially cool when he wielded a whip in each hand in alternating rhythm.

Then, of course, there was the makeup. Despite the intimate size of the room, both Dante and the brave and daring Tina wore full stage makeup. It didn’t look out of place on Tina, or even on Dante; both had clearly applied their pancake with experienced hands. With the overhead lights on, they looked fine. But under the black lights, the makeup showed up as a vaguely shimmery purple-black, with startling white spaces for eyes and teeth. On Dante it wasn’t so distracting. His hair and shirt collar framed his face, so there was no other exposed flesh for the makeup to contrast with. But Tina had her hair pulled back in a tight bun, and her costume didn’t start until several inches below her chin, revealing a very distinct makeup line at her jaw. No blending, just a sharp on/off.

Still, it was one of the best makeup jobs I saw at the convention, and the whips were pretty cool. No complaints.

Reaction roundup on a scale of 1 to 10

Sci-fi relevance: 0

Entertainment value: 7

Number of people out of every 10 who flinched each time that whip cracked: 9

Length (in feet) of Dante’s whip of choice: 6

Number of audience members who took up the challenge to stand in for Tina once: 1

Number of daiquiris it would take to talk me into it: 3

Today around the world: March 10 is Harriet Tubman Day in the U.S. of A. Harriet Tubman, you’ll recall, was a former slave who became a conductor on the Underground Railroad and helped numerous other slaves to freedom.

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