35 Reasons why

Books are Better than Boyfriends

1. There's no shame in picking up several books at a time, or in paying for them.
   
2. Swapping books with your friends is not only socially acceptable, it's a really good idea.
   
3. You can enjoy the pleasure of a good book in public.
   
4. If a book offends you, you can fling it across the room. You can do the same with a boyfriend, of course, but the book won't sue.
   
5. Books don't hog the remote.
   
6. If you spill a beer with a book nearby, you don't have to listen to lame jokes about "alcohol abuse."
   
7. Sneaking a forbidden book into your parents' house is easy. And even if you get caught, you probably won't get disinherited for it.
   
8. You can have the same book as Oprah -- at the same time.
   
9. It's OK to auction off your old books on eBay.
   
10. Moving quickly from one book to another makes you appear intellectual.
    
11. Old books are good to go back to.
    
12. Not all the good books are taken already.
    
13. Books really are God's gift to women.
    
14. If a book bores you to sleep, no one's feelings get hurt.
    
15. Books can explain things without using sports terminology.
    
16. Checking out the back side of a book is not considered harassment.
    
17. A book will not steal your covers; it has its own.
    
18. Publicly criticizing your book is not bitchy, it's scholarly.
    
19. Restructuring a book to suit your own tastes doesn't make you a manipulator, it makes you an editor.
    
20. A book is guaranteed to have a spine.
    
21. A book can level uneven table legs without littering the house with power tools.
    
22. Boys who have books can bring them out in public without fear of reprisal.
    
23. Married people can have books without breaking any commandments.
    
24. A book might not be much help unscrewing a tight jar lid, but then again, it wasn't the book that screwed it on so tightly in the first place.
    
25. Books with lots of characters inside: good. Boyfriends with lots of characters inside: not good.
    
26. Cheap books: good. Cheap boyfriends: not good.
    
27. Book that claims to speak in God's voice: OK. Boyfriend that claims to speak in God's voice: not OK.
    
28. Arranging your books by size won't damage any egos.
    
29. Interfacing with your book at the office probably isn't against company policy.
    
30. With books, size really doesn't matter.
    
31. Relatives and friends don't keep asking when you're going to get a new book.
    
32. You don't feel left out celebrating Valentine's day without a book.
    
33. You don't have to cringe when friends offer to set you up with a book.
    
34. Ordering books online is legal.
    
35. A book will hold the door open for you anytime.
    

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx

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