05/27/03’s illustrious band:

Gloves

Brought to you by my personal collection of same.

So, the BND is back after a rather lengthy and unplanned break in the blogging action. Last week just wasn't my week for writing. Between the ongoing wrangle with the autoglass "repair" service that replaced my windshield but botched my rearview mirror, and a surprisingly nasty cold and -- oh yeah, having a job to do -- I just didn't connect with the keyboard as often as I'd hoped. But I'm feeling much better now! Just wish my rearview mirror could say the same. (Aside: After numerous unreturned phone calls, wrong parts and misinformed workmen, I'm opting to give the autoglass people a big ol' raspberry and have the mirror repaired at the dealership.)

Anyway, what was I talking about? Ah yes, gloves. I don't consider myself an accessory collector, necessarily, but a simple show of hand coverings at Sensational Acres reveals at least a dozen pairs. The first few are what you'd expect from a Minnesotan: cold-weather gear that includes my old, beat-up, split-seamed Isotoner driving gloves from a couple years ago (red) and a couple years before that (black); my beautiful new black leather driving gloves that I managed not to damage last winter; and the Cloven-hoofed Mittgloves of Satan.

The CMSs require a bit of explanation. These are essentially heavy-duty snowmobile mittens that are split between the middle and ring fingers to allow a little bit more grasping accuracy while retaining side-by-side digital warmth. When I wear them -- which is often in winter, since they're super warm -- it looks like I'm perpetually urging people to live long and prosper. Or you could choose to view the CMSs as certain of my friends do, as cloven hooves that prove my collusion with dark forces. But those people are just jealous because I have heated seats in my car.

What's that, four pair so far?

Next come the rest of the outdoor gloves: cheap tan cotton multi-purpose gloves two sizes two big; a nice pair of sturdy brown cotton/lycra ones with rubber grippies on fingers and palm, left over from my Big Modeling Moment in HANDY magazine last fall; and two pair of washable suede gardeners (blue and bluer) that I use for just about every chore where I'm afraid of breaking a nail. (Since I quit jujutsu, I actually have nails to break now.) Whoever thought up washable suede is a genius! You get leather durability, but if you get gas or fertilizer on them, you can just rinse 'em off and keep on working without choking on fumes.

So let's add four sets of outdoor gloves for a subtotal of eight.

Then there are the sporting gloves. I never gave much thought to this category until a couple weeks ago when I emptied out a box of long-unused toys in the garage. In it were the wrist-bracing gloves I wore when I did a lot of inline skating -- I still mean to get back to that someday -- and the wee weightlifter’s gloves I bought when I was spending a lot of time on the rowing machine at the University of Maine gym. I've been out of school for 10 years now, which explains why they were crunchy.

Add two more; subtotal = 10.

And then there are the gloves I wear for my Eclectsis class, a martial art that combines elements of praying mantis kung fu and western boxing. I have grappling gloves, which are fingerless black leather gloves with padding along the back of the hands and knuckles and a tight Velcro wrap for wrist support. We wear those for practicing grabbing techniques, where finger mobility is a must, or for protecting the hands while hitting the heavy bag. I also have a handsome pair of red and black sparring 16-oz. boxing gloves. Leather, of course. (These replaced an old pair of cheaply made boxing gloves that I recently donated to the school.)

Then there are the focus pads, which technically are not gloves, but I count them because they slip over the hands. They're the flat cushions I would hold up for a partner to punch in practice. And finally there are my two pair of glove liners, the thin, black, full-finger nylon gloves I wear under all of the others to make it easier to slip sweaty hands in and out of the leather.

Grappling gloves, boxing gloves, two pair liners, focus pads . . . five more.

For a grand total of -- 15 pair of gloves at my house! For one person! Egad! And that doesn't even include mittens or potholders! I really didn't think I had that many, but there you go. Never know ‘til you look.

What do you have too many of if you stop to count them up?

Shameless Self-Promotion: My Bloglet delivery service has been working sporadically at best these last few weeks, so if you haven't read the BND Misquote Spray from May 14, check it out. Guaranteed to kill 5 minutes you could have spent balancing your checkbook.

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