Aces & Eights

Brought to you by corporate America and Wild Bill Hickok.

I grew up in aces and eights territory, a few dozen miles from Saloon #10 where Wild Bill was shot in the back of the head by Jack McCall while holding a poker hand consisting of two black aces, two black eights, and the nine of diamonds. This particular distribution of cards has since become known as the dead man's hand.

When gambling, Wild Bill always sat with his back to the wall and his face to the door, lest any friends or relatives of those he'd killed sneak up behind him — and since he was an experienced quick-draw duelist, that added up to quite a few people. The night he was killed, however, he'd taken a seat with his back to the door because all the other chairs were taken.

With that kind of history in my blood, you can see why I'd have an aversion to sitting with my nose in a corner. It feels like I'm being punished. Yet that's what I do for a living.

I work in a cube farm. This is a fact of life that I accept, but it's not exactly my favorite part of the job. In addition to being grey and dull, cubes are usually configured with the computer placed in a corner opposite the door opening — which means that the person using the computer must sit with his or her back to the door. Whose bright idea was that? Complete pants! I do not know a single human being who would choose this setup if given a choice, yet it's the norm in almost every office I've visited. (Exception: areas where sensitive client information routinely appears on screens, which must therefore be shielded from the eyes of passersby.) While corporate assassinations are relatively rare these days, this workspace configuration means that someone can still sneak up behind me while I'm facing the screen and scare the poo out of me.

At my old workplace, I made a big deal of getting my cube arranged so that I sat facing the door. It contributed greatly to my peace of mind. When interviewing for my new job, I relayed my "hate having my back to the door" preference to my prospective boss, who said she'd keep it in mind during the reconfiguration that took place before my start date. Well, either she forgot or it just couldn't be done, because my new cube home places me with my back to the door like everybody else.

Dagnabbit! I thought of moving the computer myself, but the monitor is too tall to fit under the overhead bin in the desired spot. So now I'm stuck twitching my head over my shoulder every 20 seconds to make sure I'm not being ambushed. I guess it's a good neck exercise, but still . . .

One thing is for sure, though: This setup will keep me from playing video poker — and risking being dealt the dead man's hand — on the job.

Today around the world: April 7 is World Health Day.