09/2/03’s illustrious band:

A Matter of Taste

It’s time for our monthly reading from the Book of Spam! The September theme on my Spam calendar is Spam Jam. Because:

“Every year, the biggest competition in the world of Spam heats up at more than 70 state, county, and local fairs across the nation . . . the National ‘Best Spam Recipe’ Competition. In this competition, the rules are few, but important. Each recipe must use at least one twelve-ounce can of Spam of any variety. There should be no more than ten ingredients in each recipe, and they can take no longer than thirty minutes to prepare. Each competitor can enter only one recipe in each category: appetizer, casserole, stew, stir-fry, salad or sandwich.

“This contest is a little different from the average cooking contest. Taste only counts for forty percent of each score; appearance and originality each count for thirty percent. After all, the recipes are made with Spam, so they’ve got to taste good!”

Uh, yeah. Remind me not to volunteer to be on the judging panel.

And speaking of state fairs, guess where I went this weekend! That’s right, I finally made it back to the best state fair in Minnesota. Reason? Fried cheese curds. Sure, you can get them plenty of other places, but fair curds are the best. Mine were pretty darn tasty and well worth the trip. So were the milkshake from the dairy building and the chili dog from the all-food building. Other highlights:

• Best mullet: Mullet haircuts (a.k.a. mudflaps or hockey hair; short in front, long in back) abound at the fair, but one in particular caught my group’s eyes. It came in two distinct sections: long, straight hair peeking out from beneath a curly bowl-cut capper. We’re pretty sure it was a wig. Or two.

  
  

• Best T-shirt: By now everyone has probably seen shirts or bumper stickers bearing the legend WWJD, for What Would Jesus Do? The one I saw Sunday said “WWJD . . . for a Klondike bar?”

  
  

• Best crop art: The crop art display in the agricultural building is always a favorite stop at the fair. Crop art is created by gluing seeds (and sometimes other cultivated matter) of various colors onto backing to form pictures, mosaic style. There’s a whole section showcasing the work of artist Lillian Colton that’s devoted to portraits of celebrities. Amateur entries in this year’s crop art division included a creepy likeness of the late Senator Paul Wellstone and some really beautiful pieces done with very small seeds that resembled Native American sand painting. However, my favorite was a portrait of kung fu movie legend Jackie Chan. You just can’t go wrong with Jackie.

  
  

What did you do with your long weekend?

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