Watch Me

Brought to you by Father Time.

I received my first wristwatch when I was four years old and wore a watch for the next 17 years. After a brief flirtation with a vinyl-strapped digital in the late 70s or early 80s, I defaulted to the standard analog format. I don't know about you, but I can't really grok "quarter to six" unless I can actually see the hands marking off one-fourth of the circle. I think I had settled on a classic Mickey Mouse watch at the time I quit using one.

I was always one of those annoyingly punctual people. I'm not just on time, I'm usually a couple minutes early, even for events for which one really ought to arrive fashionably late. Drives people crazy. Drives me crazy; I'd love to not be the first guest at a party sometime, but I just can't seem to make myself do it. If you tell me 6:00, I'll be there at 5:55, circling the block until the appointed hour. If you're hoping people will arrive closer to 6:30, do yourself a favor and just tell me 6:30. Otherwise, I'm going to be hovering around watching you sweep cat hair under the rug at the last minute.

In urging others to be on time, too, I've been accused of having control issues more than once. Many of the artistic types I pal around with prefer to march to the beat and tempo of their own drums, and my chronological conformity makes them suspect me of being Establishment. Honestly, I'm not! I just grew up believing that lateness = rudeness (except in extenuating circumstances, of course). I'll cut you some slack if the baby spit up on your good shirt or you got stuck in traffic, but not if you finally decided to start shaving a mere 10 minutes before curtain time.

The only situation for which I'm willing to make any kind of an exception is T'ai Chi classes, which routinely start a bit late, because hey, it's T'ai Chi. Why be in a rush to start the slowing down process? This made me antsy my first year or so with the studio, but eventually I was able to internalize the in-the-moment concept of T'ai Chi time.

So anyway, there I was in the summer of '92, whiling away the months between my first and second years of grad school with bike rides, blackfly bites, a couple summer classes, and not much else. A friend, noting that I didn't have a whole lot of places to be, encouraged me to take off my watch and live a little. Okay, he didn't encourage me. First he ridiculed me for my slavery to the clock, and when that didn't work, he dared me. So of course I had to try it.

I didn't break up with Mickey all at once. We'd been together so long, I couldn't just dump him cold turkey. I carried the watch in my pocket for a few months as a temporal security blanket. But as time wore on, I found myself forgetting to take it with me, and not missing it. My wrist has been bare for the last 13 years.

Yet I am still annoyingly punctual. People don't understand how I manage it, but there's no great secret. I just don't need a watch because there are clocks everywhere. To wit:

1. clock radio in the bedroom
   
2. microwave timer/clock in the kitchen
   
3. VCR clock in the living room
   
4. shelf clock on a shelf in the office
   
5. digital clock on the computer in the office
   
6. another clock radio in the guest bedroom
   
7. little travel alarm clock in the Rubber Duckie Shrine to Hygiene (remind me to change the batteries)
   
8. clock in the Subarushi
   
9. clocks at the train station
   
10. analog clocks on a building along my walking route to work
    
11. digital time/temp display along my walk to work
    
12. clock on the wall above my desk
    
13. clock in the corner of my computer screen
    
14. clock (currently malfunctioning) on the display screen on my phone
    
15. clocks in every conference room
    
16. watches on just about everybody else's wrist
    
17. and, as a last resort, a clock on the small computer in my purse

Heck, there is no way not to know what time it is! So I will always be prompt. Always. Watch me.

Today around the world: June 28 is three days past Mother Media's birthday. Happy late birthday, Mom!!

Editor's note: Okay, so I was late with the online birthday wish. However, I'll have you know I was johnny on the spot with cards and gifts on the actual day. Besides, that's calendar time, not clock time, which is completely different.