Rockapella concert at Florence Gould Hall

I was excited for this show because I hadn't yet heard all the new material with the new guy in the lineup. I'd seen John in the Christmas concert in Madison in December and hadn't gotten much of an impression of him one way or the other. Since I want to like him, this was my (and his) big chance.

There was a bit of a stutter step during the opening remarks. Scott began his usual introduction of who Rockapella is and how they produce their signature sound, emphasizing that all percussive effects come from Jeff. However, when he went to describe Jeff's Sound Spots throat pickups, they were . . . not there. Scott stopped in mid-point. "Oh, so, uh, you don't have them tonight?" Jeff, busy laying down the beat, just shook his head and tapped a nonexistent wristwatch.

So the show went on for its first few numbers with Jeff using only a hand mic. He sounded good, though the beefy bass thumps were missing. Soon, however, after spending a song offstage -- "California Sad-Eyed Girl?" "Lazy River?" -- he returned with Spots on, jacket off, and sleeves rolled for some serious work on "Use Me." Question: Does Jeff ever miss a beat? I've heard, and heard of, goofs by everyone but him.

My verdict on the new additions to the set list is in: mostly thumbs up. "California Sad-Eyed Girl" doesn't do much for me (yet), but "Rock the Boat" certainly delivers. Nice song, I thought as John began it. This guy is growing on me. Then George took over the lead and I jolted upright in my chair. OH! I realized. This song is about SEX! Uh, yeah. Part I was pretty much the Gospel According to John. Part II was all about sin. Personally, I'd prefer to sin first and pray for forgiveness later. Rock on, George.

Amendment to previous review: Remember how I said last time that John looks like Carlton from Fresh Prince? Well, now I think he looks like a scale model of MadTV comedian Aries Spears.

Anyway, back to the new songs. Soon it was time for someone to go get a Beg Lady, and Kevin practically stage-dove into the audience. Question: Is Aries -- er, John -- no longer the picker? Kev quickly came up with Sue, who, to the surprise of many, was (A) old enough to drink and (B) modestly attired in seasonally appropriate clothes. He cleared up that mystery immediately, though. "You wore this to the concert and thought you wouldn't get pulled up onstage?" he asked, fingering Sue's fuzzy, nubbly knitted poncho. The whole band spent a few minutes raptly stroking, patting, and fondling the wrap. Geez, you would have thought someone had just given them a puppy.

Once they could focus again, it was time to introduce Sue to the guys. Kevin's, Scott's, and John's hellos went as usual. Then Kevin introduced Jeff, "the man with the strong tongue." It took everyone quite a while to recover from that. After a few tries, the band undraped themselves from the microphone stands they'd been clutching for support and carried on. But even the big G-Man's subsonic greeting couldn't compete with that.

Next Kevin asked Sue what she does for a living. "Do you really want to know?" she asked. Yes he did. Sue sighed. You could see the wheels turning: Should I lie? She didn't. "I'm a kickboxing instructor," she said.

Four men took a giant step back. The fifth, however -- the one with the intact testicles, apparently -- knelt beside Sue's chair and pretended to lick her hand with his notorious tongue.

And then Kevin, recovering from being dumbfounded, made a series of distressingly sexist remarks, all along the lines of "Guess we know who wears the pants in your marriage" and " I fear you, dangerous woman!" Question: When the HELL are people going to get over turning a woman with any kind of personal power into an object of fear and ridicule? Being a martial artist myself, I run into that brand of ignorance all the time, and let me tell you, it isn't cute and it isn't funny. Why do you think Sue was reluctant to reveal her job? She didn't want to deal with precisely that tired old crap. She was a very good sport about it, though. Better than I’m being.

What was funny was Scott starting to improvise "Kung Fu Fighting," Jeff right behind him with a beat. Those cats are fast as lightning. I would really enjoy hearing an arrangement of that song. I would also have enjoyed a lengthier jam session, but I think Scott ran out of lyrics.

Anyway. I have the set list quite out of order, but it's worth noting that they threw in several Christmas tunes for the benefit of the booking agents in the audience (yeah, the ones Kevin probably shocked with that tongue business). "Glow Worm" was one of them. I'll go on the record as saying that I do not like John's Glow Worm Shuffle soft-shoe routine. Some of the dancing stuff really works, like the suave, cocky Temptations-esque turns and slides. And some of it doesn't, like the shuffle and the happyslappy thing. The last time I saw something like that, the dancers were wearing lederhosen and I was drinking beer from a stein the size of a mailbox. But this Rocktoberfest ain't happenin'.

Also not happenin': "Zombie Jamboree" and Kevin's Speedo speech. A number of fans have yellow-carded both. Just add me to the list. The only thing that saved the Speedo routine from cringeville this time was the guy in the row behind us, who had participated at a previous concert and been dubbed Speedo Man by Kevin. He was so excited to be reconnecting with his close personal friend on the stage that his buddies had to coach him, loudly, on what color Speedo to claim he wore (blue).

I'm not deliberately picking on Kevin. I swear I’m not. I love his voice and the sweet warmth he brings to the group. But somebody has got to write him some better material -- or better yet, can the script and let him wing it. Yes, you might get another Beg Lady incident. But you might get another strong tongue one, too.

Back to things that do work. Like George's chocolate milk monologue. When he mimes singing in the shower, well, never has a shower felt so dirty! And that falsetto is just as devastating as his low end. I mean, the low end of his vocal range. Aw, shoot. He's worked me into a lather again.

Question: Where is Jeff's chocolate milk monologue? It's not as if he's the designated nonspeaking band member; it's not Penn & Penn & Penn & Penn & Teller up there. Jeff tosses off some of the funniest ad libs in the group -- funny enough to off-balance Scott, whose wit is as agile as his voice. So why not chat us up a bit? Afraid of wrecking the vp mystique? Too late; his cover is already blown by singing in a voice so clear it refracts light. Come on, let's make it five for five.

And speaking of Jeff singing: The encores were terrific, as always. I can't get enough of that off-mic sound. It just reinforces how effortlessly good these guys really are. Also, the crowd started the "We Are the Champions" stomp-stomp-clap to call one of the encores, and we were treated to a few measures of the song. That's another one I bet they could polish up. In their abundant free time, of course.

Final note: There's still an Elliott-shaped hole in the harmony for me, but it's not the gaping wound it once was. Now it's more like the gap left by a lost tooth. Something familiar is gone, but something new is growing in to take its place. It's not fully formed yet. But it's getting there.

The meet and greet

The m&g at FGH was a jumbled affair held at the base of the stairs leading into the concert hall. Loitering with the General and Six, I'm told I was nearly mowed down by Jeff's brother as he joined the scrum. I didn't see him at the time, but had no trouble picking him out of the throng when I turned around.

Fans were clustered around the CD table, hoping for the band to come out, but there was nowhere to seat them. So the guys worked the crowd instead. Can't say I minded having handsome, talented men approaching me one after the other. Jeff charged down the line first, Sharpie at the ready, and I suddenly felt bad about not having anything for him to sign. But there was no program for the evening, and I didn't care to fumble out an album with only four of the five current members on it, so I had to settle for a big smile. Twice.

It pays to hang with the right people, though; I got to bask while my cohorts visited briefly with Scott and John. Kevin and George were too trapped to make it to our little knot, unfortunately. So we headed out into the night and walked off our show buzz in the dazzle of Times Square.