01/05/05’s illustrious band:

Whoopie Couch

Brought to you by Chef Jeff.

The big, fat, squashy maroon couch that serves as headquarters in the living room here at Sensational Acres has seen better days. The back cushions slump more than anyone leaning against them does, and the bottom sags worse than Fat Albert's. When the movers wedged the couch through the front door of the Acres, something snapped, and the center support has been a bit lax ever since.

The couch is at least 10 years old, probably more. El Pendejo and I acquired it during the first year of our acquaintance. A coworker of his was about to throw it away because it didn't match the décor in her new home, so he offered to buy it from her -- without consulting his chief financial adviser, namely me. I think he bargained her down to about $300, and we were so broke that it still took us six months to pay her in full. We already had a maroonish couch, and I did not think that we needed another at the time. However, when we split, I kept the newer, plusher couch, and he got the ugly old granny settee he brought to the union, so I'm not complaining. (For those keeping score at home, I also kept the big TV, the good computer, the better vehicle, both cats, the good china, and oh yeah, the house. Not that such material things matter, of course.)

Anyway. Chef Jeff christened my sofa the Whoopie Couch when it made a very, shall we say, distinctive sound when he sat on it during his recent visit. Most unusual. The closer you sit to the middle, the whoopier it gets. It also tends to settle unexpectedly, as it did once when Princess Jocelyn's travel seat was sitting on it. Just a little tectonic shift, but enough to make her wide little eyes even wider. Ours, too.

Despite its faults, the Whoopie Couch is the best reading/video watching/napping couch ever: soft, and with armrests low enough to act as headrests without straining your neck. And it's wide enough for two people to nap together if they're so inclined. One of the more positive remnants of the marriage. Whoopie!

Today around the world: January 5 is Twelfth Night.

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