Rumor Millionaire

Brought to you by the rumor mill.

Yesterday I announced that I'll be leaving Media HQ for a new job in a couple weeks. Today I'll share with you some of the rumors currently circulating about why I'm leaving.

Actual rumors

• recruited by G-Doc to move to Des Moines and join the company he left MHQ for
  
• top-secret personality conflicts among staff
  

GrassMaster's theories

"Regarding the rumor piece," she writes, "because nothing has been formally announced, I think people are assuming something dark and sinister is afoot. Several people have asked me already (in hushed tones) what happened. Depending on who is asking, I am telling people:

• She and El Queso Grande got into a slapping fight over split infinitives, which resulted in her pushing El Queso off the balcony in the atrium.
  
• She and El Queso have both been involved in organized crime for some time now, and she is leaving the suburban mafia to start a new downtown crime outpost.
  
• She, Jan, and Terri [two recently departed coworkers] are starting a new magazine in Hong Kong [where Terri moved]. They left months apart so no one would get suspicious, but the truth is now out."
  

Senor Editor's theory

"You forgot the most obvious reason: She took the blue pill. Soon she will wake up in a reality other than what we know and have come to accept as 'true.' What do I have as proof that this is so? Well, she can probably already do martial arts moves better than Keanu (Can't Act) Reeves.

~Morpheus (a.k.a. Senor Editor)"

rumors my friends have offered to spread and may in fact be whispering right now

• eloping — and he's HOT
  
• eloping to Des Moines with G-Doc — and he's HOT
  
• leaving to follow a T'ai Chi guru and write his memoirs
  
• eloping with the guru — and he's old and wrinkly, but intellectually HOT
  
• going on the road as a full-time Rockapellahead
  
• camping out in line for the next Star Wars movie
  
• hitting the Star Trek convention circuit hard in hopes of getting some footage in Trekkies 3
  

What other good, juicy reasons for my leaving could there be?

Today around the world: March 15 is Constitution Day in Belarus, Hungarian Revolution Anniversary in Hungary, and J.J. Robert's birthday in Liberia.