11/01/04’s illustrious band:

Big in Asia

Brought to you by the head-on collision of two of my more disparate interests.

It’s the day before Election Day. The fate of a nation hangs in the balance of tomorrow’s voting. At such a serious time, you know there can be only one question on everyone’s mind. That, of course, is, “In what ways is Hong Kong action movie star Jackie Chan eerily similar to top-notch a cappella band Rockapella?”

I’m glad you asked. Here are my much-too-considered thoughts on the topic.

• They sing. This is a Rockapella no-brainer. They’re a vocal group. Singing is what they do, and they do it well. However, what you may not know is that Jackie Chan, in addition to being a movie star and stunt choreographer, is also known in his native Hong Kong as a singer. He even recorded the title song “What Tribe Are You?” for his movie Who Am I?. Unlike Rockapella, Jackie is not a brilliant vocalist. Then again, Rockapella doesn’t do kung fu, so it evens out.

  
  

• They do all their own stunts. Jackie Chan is most famous for doing all of his own stunts and kung fu fighting in his 100+ films, regardless of the danger. “I don’t use special effects, I am the special effect,” he says. He’s broken pretty much every bone in his body, many more than once, in the course of his work.

  
  Rockapella works without a net, too. “A cappella” means “without accompaniment” (not “without clothes,” as some would have you believe), so they have no instruments, no tape backup, not even a drum machine. Entire concerts and albums come from their voices alone, just five guys on a stage. That’s what I like about them. When it comes to their art, they really are naked.

  
  To my knowledge, no Pellas have been injured while performing. But Chan has appeared in the buff in more than one of his movies. I’ll leave it to you to decide who’s the buffer short guy, lead singer Scott Leonard or leading man Chan.

  
  

• They’re big in Asia.This one is a Chan no-brainer. He’s Chinese. He’s been a huge movie star in Hong Kong and the rest of Asia for going on 40 years. But it wasn’t until the early 90s that he became a big name in Hollywood following the American release of Rumble in the Bronx. Rockapella, by contrast, is an all-American band that can’t seem to get a big break on its home soil but is a major draw in Japan thanks to Leonard’s connections to the recording scene there.

  
  

• They can be hard to understand. Another Chan duh. Chinese is his first language, and while his English has improved vastly over the years, he still speaks with a heavy accent. It’s cute, though.

  
  Now, most a cappella groups pride themselves on having fantastic diction; since there’s no instrumentation to hide behind, they figure they’d better speak clearly. Scott Leonard, however, never one to bow down to fashion, is notoriously ennunciationally challenged -- too busy riffing and swooping to stop and cross all the Ts, apparently. He’s so notorious, in fact, that his less intelligible vocal stylings are referred to as “speaking Scottish.” It’s cute, though.

  
  

• They’ve starred in children’s TV shows. Ever asked yourself Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Or did you ever watch the PBS children’s program by the same name and wonder what ever happened to the funky fellows who sang the title song? Wonder no more! The band was Rockapella. They’re still actively touring and recording, and they still perform that catchy ditty almost every time they take the stage. (Past and present Pellas have also provided voices for animated piggies and cockroaches, and former bass singer Barry Carl currently hawks Frosted Flakes as the voice of Tony the Tiger.)

  
  Not to be outdone, Jackie Chan lends his voice and moves to the WB animated series Jackie Chan Adventures, which features a cartoon version of him fighting crime, kicking butt, and taking names. There’s always a little cultural education and a moral to the story, too.

  
  

• They’re obsessed with self-defense.Again, the Chan connection is obvious: he’s a Chinese opera-trained martial artist who stars in kung fu movies and action flicks. No one does it better.

  
  The Rockapella connection is less obvious, but believe me, it’s there. With album titles like Bash and Out Cold and songs titled “U Beat Me Up” and “Christmas Ceasefire,” you know the boys have a martial mindset all their own. One of their more interesting original compositions, “Doorman of My Heart,” talks about an imaginary bodyguard fighting off anyone who strays too near a wounded heart. My personal doorman looks remarkably like Jackie Chan.

  
  How do they stack up against each other? When Jackie Chan goes head-to-head against Rockapella at www.Googlefight.com, Chan wins by a mile: 898,000 web hits to 26,500. This seems terribly lopsided, especially considering that there are five current Pellas plus numerous alumni, and only one Jackie. This just proves that Jackie can kick infinite butt, anytime, anywhere, even in cyberspace.

  
  

• They have ties to New York.Rockapella started out over 18 years ago as a barbershop quartet singing on the streets of the Big Apple, hoping to scrape together enough change for then-lead singer Sean Altman to buy an order of orange chicken at his favorite Chinese restaurant. These days, however, 80% of the group lives in Florida.

  
  As for Jackie, his American following expanded exponentially with the U.S. release of Rumble in the Bronx (which despite its name was not filmed in the actual Bronx, but in Canada; there are some especially telling outdoor shots with mountains in the background). Rumble was the first of his movies I ever saw, and it remains a favorite.

  
  

• They have long relationships with geography.As mentioned above, Rockapella was the house band for the geography-themed game show Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?. In addition to the title song, they’ve also recorded location-oriented songs including “Let’s Get Away,” “Tokyo Yo-Yo,” “Under the Boardwalk,” “Up on the Roof,” “Dancin’ in the Streets,” “Dock of the Bay,” “Follow Me to Heaven,” “My Home,” “Home for the Holidays,” “I’ll be Home for Christmas,” “Please Come Home for Christmas,” “Indiana,” “It’s a Small World,” “Kingdom of Shy,” “Land of 1,000 Dances,” “Nowhere,” “NYC Summa,” “NYC Winter,” “Rock River,” “Riverside Hotel,” “Shambala,” “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” and “Where Would We Be?” (That last is especially apt given the band’s reputation for frequently getting lost on the way to their performance venues.)

  
  And let’s not forget “Capital,” which purports to list the capital cities of all 50 states. However, it omits Pierre, the seat of government in my home state, South Dakota. This is one of Sean Altman’s few missteps as a songwriter. It’s cute, though.

  
  Jackie Chan has filmed movies on location the world over. In addition to ridding China, Hong Kong, Africa, the former Soviet Union, and the American west of bad guys, Jackie has dangled from the hands of Big Ben in London, scaled skyscrapers in Holland, and stuck ‘em up Down Under (that’s a clever “Carmen Sandiego” lyric reference for those keeping score at home). In fact, his most recent American movie is Around the World in 80 Days.

  
  

Aren’t you glad you asked?

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Today around the world: November 1 is the day before Election Day. Get out there and vote, y’all!

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