10/18/04’s illustrious band:

S’moke

Brought to you by uncommon scents.

Postulant: O great and wise Media Sensation, I’ve heard that you are a fount of arcane knowledge. Is this so?

Media Sensation: It is so.

P: Does your wisdom extend even into the realm of cooking?

MS: It does.

P: Would you share with this humble postulant the recipe for s’mores?

MS: Yes, my child. Hearken, now. Break a graham cracker in half -- widthwise, not lengthwise. Break a Hershey chocolate bar in half in the same manner. Place a graham cracker half on a plate. Place a Hershey half on top of it. Set a marshmallow on top.

P: How marvelous a confection! Is it to be consumed thus, raw?

MS: You may eat the s’more raw, but you will find the ingredients stiff, the lower pieces prone to breakage. Better that you should heat the s’more, allowing the chocolate and the marshmallow to soften and become malleable, like your young mind.

P: Ah, I begin to see. And how shall I heat the s’more?

MS: Traditionally, s’mores are made with chocolate and crackers that have softened in the bottom of a backpack all day, marinating lightly in insect repellent and sunscreen; only the marshmallow is heated over a campfire, skewered on a stick. However, the modern version of this dish can be prepared in a microwave oven.

P: I see, I see. For how long should I microwave the modern s’more?

MS: Heat it for no more than 25 seconds. And I warn you: If you fail to adhere to this instruction, you will suffer the wrath of the many gods.

P: Dear me! What fate will befall me if I exceed this limit?

MS: The consequences are dire. If you infract by but a few seconds, your marshmallow will expand to the size of a softball, covering the plate and the wall of the microwave. Then it will collapse and become as cement upon the wall, and upon your hands when you try to eat it.

P: Oh no! And if I infract by several seconds?

MS: If you overcook by several seconds, your chocolate will liquefy and run like a river of blood to form a useless puddle on the plate. Again, your hands will bear the stain of your sin.

P: The horror! I cringe from the vision of it! And if cook it even longer?

MS: Then you will suffer the worst fate of all! Your graham cracker will immolate itself from the inside out, blackening and smoking like the fires of hell. Your kitchen will be filled with an odor of charred grain not unlike that of brimstone or burnt popcorn, and your smoke detector will wail with the fury of a thousand tortured souls.

P:Indeed, it is a fate worse than death! Thank you, O wise Media Sensation. I shall heed your sage advice.

MS: Go in peace, my child.

Today around the world: October 18 is Persons Day in Canada. On October 18, 1929, the British Privy Council decided that women were “persons” under Canadian law, and therefore eligible for appointment to the Senate. This decision was rendered after a lengthy legal and political struggle, known as the “Persons Case.” Each year, the Governor General's Awards in Commemoration of the Persons Case are presented on or around this date.

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