10/05/04’s illustrious band:

Diva Toss

Brought to you by Stylin’ Ryan, my new haircut guy.

When I was getting my hair cut last week, Ryan asked me at one point to tilt my head back. As I did so, I gave it an unconscious shake to free any trapped strands from the neckband of the cape, and to make it fall just so.

“Nice diva toss,” Ryan snarked.

Well, it oughta be. Having had longish hair for most of my life, I’ve had plenty of time to practice. I have an entire repertoire of hair-centric movements and gestures, including (but not limited to):

• The Rake: combing fingers back through hair to push it away from face. Results last approximately 5 seconds.
  
• The Tuck: tucking hair behind one or both ears to keep it out of face. Results last several minutes.
  
  Subgesture: The Wisp Tuck: tucking away small strands that have come loose from a braid or ponytail. 0% effective, but I never stop trying, especially in humid weather when those little strands curl straight out at right angles to my head.
  
• The Gather: gathering hair in one hand at nape of neck to relieve the tickly feeling of loose strands. Results last until I need that hand again.
  
• The Fist-knot: gathering hair in and wrapping it around one fist to keep it under control in windy conditions, such as riding in a car with open windows or going outdoors in the Midwest. Only partially effective, since many wispy strands come loose and make their way into my eyes anyway.
  
• The Temporary Braid: weaving some or all of hair into a French braid, but omitting the rubber band that would keep it from unraveling. I do this to make women with shorter hair jealous, with a fair degree of success. Results vary with activity level and wind conditions.
  
• The Tail Tweak: when hair is in a ponytail, grabbing half the tail in each hand and tugging in opposite directions to tighten the elastic. I realize that this is hard on the hair, but sometimes it just has to be done; I cannot abide a droopy tail. Results vary with activity level and wind conditions.
  
• The Fringe Puff: directing a forceful exhalation upward to dislodge my fringe (bangs) from my eyebrows and lids, where it sometimes catches. Stupid-looking and largely ineffectual, but it’s an old habit I can’t seem to break. Results last until gravity reasserts itself.
  

Reason I don’t just shave my head and save myself hours of fret-and-fidget time each day: Vanity. Sheer, unadulterated vanity.

Editor’s note: If I were still married, today would be my eighth anniversary. Click here to check out the lyrics to “Unhappy Anniversary,” a ballad by underappreciated powerpopster Sean Altman (you’ll have to scroll down). Now picture me feeling exactly the opposite -- and giving my flowing tresses a sassy diva toss for the road.

Today around the world: October 5 is National Sports Day in Lesotho, an enclave of South Africa that’s slightly smaller than Maryland.

E-mail the Media Sensation: BandNameoftheDay@hotmail.com

Visit the BND archives at http://jugglernaut.blogspot.com.