01/07/04’s illustrious band:
Baptismal Boil
Brought to you by today’s guest blogger, Senor Editor. Hola, Senor!
One upon a time, in another life far, far away, I earned my keep as an audio-visual technician. And though I oftentimes had the tasks of setting up for real professional traveling shows (like The Rolling Stones’ “Steel Wheels” tour), I also pimped out my services to other smaller and shall we say, less well known, endeavors.
One such event -- one which I was talked into by a community theater friend -- involved providing lighting design and control for an ultra-religious Christian-type church during its Easter Cantata. (For those of you not familiar with an event of this nature, picture a large group of well-meaning, yet horribly inept “performers” singing and acting their way through the New Testament. It makes you wish that Jesus Christ had multiplied earplugs instead of loaves and fishes.)
The climax of this very campy (though heartfelt in a sad, right-wing Christian kind of way) was the miraculous rolling back of the cardboard “stone” that blocked the entrance to the 2x4-and-velvet-draped “tomb.” Christ would triumphantly stroll out looking decidedly undecayed whilst wisps of fog and other miracle-induced vapors swirled about his feet.
To create the fog, two of the congregation had gone out and purchased dry ice, which they intended to immerse in a small vat of water. But apparently you can’t buy dry ice in small quantities in Southern Ohio, and the Dynamic Duo showed up on show day (Easter Sunday) with an entire chest cooler filled with the stuff. The show started, the “rock” rolled back, they ladled a small quantity of water over the dry ice and created the appropriate amount of miracle mist. Then the fun began…
The Dynamic Duo were at a loss as to how to dispose of the 75-lb. block of dry ice once they were finished with the resurrection scene. They couldn’t just leave it be, as some unsuspecting churchgoer could accidentally brush their hand over the ice and freeze themselves to the block -- yes, boys and girls, you CAN instantly freeze body parts to dry ice, but I don’t recommend it. Being the inventive type, the duo glanced about the curtained off church sanctuary for an appropriate disposal place, only to have their eyes fall on the 6-ft.-deep, full-immersion baptismal pool.
You could almost hear the wheels turning: “Well, if a little water dissolves dry ice a little, then a LOT of water should dissolve it a LOT.” The two grabbed the ice chest, toted it to the pool and dumped the contents into the water. A few seconds after I had heard a very loud splash over my headset came a rather quiet, “Oops…”
The baptismal pool began to boil like something unholy had just taken a header into it and the curtained-off sanctuary completely filled with dry-ice-induced fog faster than you can say, “Father, forgive them, for they knew not what they did.” And as the big, final song number reached its climax on the other side of the curtain, the fog let loose, dropped beneath the curtain’s edge and rapidly rolled out and down the sanctuary steps as if Beelzebub himself had taken over.
The look of fear on the churchgoers’ faces made you think the Rapture had come, and all those pious people just knew they were going to Heaven without the benefit of wearing clean underwear. It took a good 15 minutes for the fog to dissipate, and as the crowd filed out of the fog-filled church, I quipped to one shocked viewer, “That’s probably the most action that baptismal has seen in years, huh?” I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes…
Glad he didn’t keep quiet this time. Excellent story! Anybody else been playing with dry ice?
Today around the world: January 7 is Christmas in the Orthodox Church. In Cambodia, they’re celebrating Victory Day Over the Genocidal Regime.
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posted by Jugglernaut at 4:26 PM
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