12/18/03’s illustrious band:

Adventists Parking

Brought to you by the author of Practical Awareness, Experiences and Ideas, a strange little book I received as a gag gift. Muchas gracias, Senor Editor.

According to the back cover, the author of this tome, a gentleman named Clyde, “enjoys a vigorous retirement, pursuing many hobbies from home maintenance to gardening, from plumbing to classical music theory, and extensive Bible study in both English and French, not to mention writing songs and books. He pursues his myriad interests from his home in Brooklyn.�

The book consists of 13 chapters, and Clyde has filled each with a collection of random thoughts and convoluted grammar. From what I can gather from the preface, Clyde has a wealth of wisdom about everyday life that he wants to preserve for posterity. The thing is, he never says, “You should do it this way� or “The best method of dealing with that is like so.� Instead, he tells a little story about something he did one time, and you’re left to draw your own conclusions. The stories don’t have plots or morals, just one guy’s bemusing ideas.

For instance, in the chapter on saving and lending money, the following paragraph appears:

“I was delighted to hear of a young man in the thriving computer skills employment who decided not to rest on his laurels but to take a course in auto repairs, in order that he might have backup if his (now apparently secure) field should fail. I never knew that such ‘sure-footed donkeys’ existed at such an early age, and in these times. We can be sure that when one person has an idea, it spreads. I do not believe that many people are individualistic.�

I’m not sure how this relates to saving and lending money. Clyde also notes, in the chapter on dealing with mice and rats, “My short booklet, ‘Self-improving Triumph over Diabetes, Prostate Problem, and More,’ a motivational work, included a short chapter on this topic.� Nice attempt at cross-promoting the other book, I guess, but what does his prostate have to do with mice and rats? Do I really want to know?

As for the Adventists parking, Clyde observes that in his neighborhood, at least, Adventist Church members seem to be the most considerate in parking their cars. He’s not speaking preferentially of this one religion, he assures us, just passing along a noteworthy fact.

It would be very easy to make fun of Clyde. In fact, I already have. But I’ll bet it would be just as easy for Clyde to make fun of my blog, because he knows as little about my motivations for writing as I do about his. Clyde was eager enough to see his ideas in print that he fell prey to a vanity press and paid to get his book published rather than being paid for it. There but for the grace of God go I, because I want to publish books, too.

And Clyde beat me to it. So maybe I should be like the Adventist parkers and considerately let him be.

Today around the world: December 18 is Republic Day in Niger, which held its first free elections 10 years ago. Despite being one of the hottest countries in the world, Niger boasts a population of over 11 million people. They’re called Nigeriens, not to be confused with Nigerians from neighboring Nigeria.

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