06/25/03’s illustrious band:

Golden Rings

Brought to you by wandering minds.

Today’s scholarly inquiry takes up the question of how two entertainment classics, The Lord of the Rings and The Simpsons, resemble one another.

1. Our heroes. The protagonist of LOTR is a hobbit named Frodo Baggins, a pudgy, funny-looking regular guy caught up in a web of circumstances (dark forces taking over Middle Earth) beyond his control. He lives in a made-up place called The Shire. The protagonist of The Simpsons is a nuclear power plant employee named Homer Simpson, a pudgy, funny-looking regular guy caught up in a web of circumstances (his own day-to-day life) beyond his control. He lives in a made-up place called Springfield.
   
2. Good vs. Evil. Both heroes must battle the forces of evil. Frodo must pit his wits and his little-guy luck against the formidable dark wizard Saruman. Saruman is impossibly old and powerful and has a long, beaky nose. Just when you think he’s dead, his magic brings him back yet again. Homer’s foe is nuke plant owner Montgomery Burns. Mr. Burns is impossibly old and rich and has a long, beaky nose. Just when you think he’s dead, his wealth and medical technology bring him back yet again.
   
3. The sycophants. There’s an LOTR character named Gollum who wants nothing more than to possess the One Ring. He’ll grovel, beg, lie, cheat and steal to try to get it. There’s a Simpsons character named Smithers who wants nothing more than to possess the heart of Mr. Burns. He’ll grovel, beg, lie, cheat and steal to try to get it.
   
4. The chicks. In LOTR, the main female character is Arwen, an Elvish woman possessing immense beauty. Though she could have lived for thousands of years had she stayed in her homeland and married one of her own kind, she chose to wed the human Aragorn (a friend of Frodo’s), giving up a life of ease and wealth. In The Simpsons, the female lead is Marge, an animated woman possessing an immense blue beehive hairdo. Though she could have lived for dozens of years had she remained in her homeland and married one of her own kind, she chose to wed the doofus Homer, giving up a life of ease and wealth.
   
5. One ring rules them all. LOTR hero Frodo is motivated by a desire to keep Middle Earth safe from the all-consuming evil golden ring he wears on a chain around his neck. Simpsons hero Homer desires to consume all golden donut rings and wear them as a spare tire around his waist.
   

I’m sure there are plenty of other parallels that greater scholars than I could draw, but I’ll stop here for now and resume reading the latest Harry Potter book.

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