02/14/03’s illustrious band:

Veggies in the Jell-O

Brought to you by speed-date Jason, via an electronic greeting card from Lutherans Online. The teddy-bear-adorned message reads, “You’re like warm hugs or veggies in the Jell-O.”

Veggies in the Jell-O? Where I come from, veggies in Jell-O is considered lousy church-basement food, the kind of thing you have to eat -- and clean from your plate -- while wedged onto a cold folding chair between cheek-pinching choir ladies. Veggie Jell-O is not a treat, it’s a torment, a cruel trick along the lines of studding chocolate ice cream with asparagus. The only warm hug involved here is the kind one’s stomach gives before returning said culinary faux pas to its original, outside-the-body position.

But let’s not let this get us down on Valentine’s Day. I have this evening’s martial/acrobatic performance by the Shaolin Monks to look forward to (albeit with date in tow) and a chicks’ night out tomorrow. Sunday I plan to cozy up with Jackie Chan and/or James Bond. I may flirt with Samuel Adams or James Paige, too, but only a little. And of course I’ll be sneaking smooches with my longtime steadies, Ben & Jerry, all weekend long. No veggies. No Jell-O. Just sweet and simple pleasures, shared with friends. That’s romance enough for me.

E-mail the Media Sensation: jugglernaut@hotmail.com