01/28/03’s illustrious band:

Guttle

Brought to you by the invaluable A Word A Day service.

Guttle (GUT-l) verb tr., intr. To eat voraciously; to devour greedily.

[From gut, on the pattern of guzzle, from Middle English gut, from plural guttes (entrails), from Old English guttas.]

Is that almost more etymology than anyone can stomach, or what?

Guttle is the perfect word for today. I’ve been complaining to friends recently that it’s hibernation season, and there are only two things I want to do right now: 1. Eat huge quantities of carbohydrates and 2. Retreat to my warm, dark cave to sleep them off. Because I am a responsible adult, and moreover, a solo homeowner, indulging #2 impulses is out of the question. I have to get up and go to work in the mornings, and it’s considered bad form to hibernate on the job. (Snails, interestingly enough, can sleep for three years. Envy!) However, I’m having a great big #1 moment even as I write this, guttling my morning meal at my desk and swigging a Coke.

Normally I eat a very genteel breakfast in my snug kitchen at Sensational Acres, usually some low-fat granola cereal with skim milk and a cat hair garnish. When I looked out the window this morning, though, and saw the snow falling and thought about how the traffic on my route to work was likely to be even more painfully slow than usual, I decided to pack breakfast to go and get on with the commute.

I made the drive under grey skies and a cloud of melancholy, my blood sugar having bottomed out during the night after a light supper and exercise the previous evening. I was ready to curse and kill by the time I reached the office, for no good reason. I know better than to let myself sink into such a state, but I still do it sometimes. However, the moment food passed my lips, the whole day brightened. (There’s a lesson here for everyone: If the Media Sensation is grumpy, just shove food into her hand.)

And what cuisine hath such power to soothe the savage guttlebeast? Over the weekend, I did my usual cooking of dishes to bring to work for lunch, and I made a concoction of my own devising: brown rice (with chicken bullion added to the boiling water), lentils, green onions and golden raisins drizzled with olive oil and spiced with a little curry powder and a little cumin. A single-serve Tupperware full of this stuff, a Coke -- excuse me, as a stockholder in the Coca-Cola company, I insist upon use of the proper phrase, an ice-cold Coke -- and a crisp Braeburn apple for dessert makes a dandy breakfast. (Especially when a speed-date boy calls and keeps me on the phone longer than one should chat at work, but he was complimenting my wit so much I didn’t want to interrupt him. We’re having lunch on Friday.) And don’t worry about me going hungry at lunch; I’m going to guttle a Subway sandwich with a friend.

So there you have it. My appetite for verbiage knows no bounds.

Today’s random trivia: "Stewardesses" is the longest English word you can type with only the left hand; “lollipop" with your right.

E-mail the Media Sensation: jugglernaut@hotmail.com