01/17/03’s illustrious band:

How to Wear a Hat

Brought to you by an online headline about harnessing the fashion power of headgear.

Hats are cool — or warm, as the case may be. Mother Media received a grand red one for Christmas, and Chicken Step Lady has just come into possession of a marvelous furry salt-and-pepper number. Movie stars of both sexes used to wear them, and they looked smashing. I wonder why hats fell out of style?

I’ve always had a secret affinity for hats myself. The only thing that stops me wearing them is that I come down with a terminal case of hat hair within 5 minutes of putting one on, and then my only choice is to keep it on or risk mat-maned mortification. Still, it’s winter on the high plains, where avoiding hypothermia takes precedence over fashion. I’ve been pulling the wool low over my eyes for brief intervals these past few days, and trying to ignore the itch and the static.

But that’s as far as I’ll go. You won’t catch me wearing a baseball cap turned backward or a visor both backward and upside down. As a sign of my venerable age, I’ve grown attached to the belief that there’s a difference between funky and stupid.

And now I’m off to shop for a birthday present for a T’ai Chi instructor. What do you get for the man who knows everything?

Parting words from immortal bard George Carlin: “Don’t sweat the petty stuff, and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.”

Have a good weekend!