01/07/03’s illustrious band:

Miracle Meat

Brought to you by the Flexible Chef.

This is January’s reading from the book of Spam.

Last night the Flexible Chef gave me a 2003 wall calendar featuring America’s favorite canned meat product, Spam. She’s had firsthand experience with Spam musubi, a very special kind of sushi, and lived to tell about it. FC and I had occasion to discuss the Meat of Many Uses when she saw me wearing a jaunty Spam sweatshirt several weeks ago. Apparently the conversation stuck in her craw.

Just for the record, I was a Spam eater once upon a time, but had to give it up after driving past, on a hot and humid day, a meat processing plant that emitted a toe-curling odor redolent of rancid Spam marinating in raw sewage. The smell was strong enough to actually trigger my gag reflex, and lunchtime was never the same after that. However, my sudden conversion became the basis for a long-running joke that has spilled outside the family and has resulted in my receiving numerous, sometimes international, Spam-related products as gifts -- including, as you may recall, a Spammy Valentine from Mother Media.

We all have our own fond memories of Spam, but who among us knows where the gel-coated pink stuff originated? Well, I do, thanks to my handy calendar. In addition to numerous full-color photos of Spam advertising and Spam in action, it also features historical and trivial data. So I am now the next best thing to a Spam scholar.

Spam was born to the Hormel Company in 1937 in a combined effort to introduce canned meats to the American consumer and find a use for wasted pork shoulder meat at the processing plant. (No data on why that pork shoulder was nobody’s first pick.) The original can (size not specified) was designed to hold enough meat for a family of five, plus provide leftovers. The distinctive shape ensured that a slab of Spam would fit easily on a slice of bread. Several names for the new product were considered, including Brunch, but a naming contest held on New Year’s Eve at the Hormel home yielded the one we’ve come to know, love and name unsolicited pornographic e-mail after. Gotta wonder what they were drinking at that party.

True Spam story:: I once attended a bachelorette party at which, after drinking a few mimosas, the ladies sculpted certain features of the male anatomy using only devilled Spam, a peeled banana, and their bare hands.

This is just the beginning, friends. Each month this year will bring us a new reading from the Book of Spam, filled with wondrous Spam facts. I know you can hardly wait. In the meantime, your thoughts on the subject are always welcome. Spam me!

Jugglernaut@hotmail.com