Today's illustrious band:

Space Seeds

Brought to you by Skeeter and the nice scientists at DuPont, and by Star Trek.

Once upon a time, DuPont scientists sent some soybean seeds into space. The seeds germinated, sprouted, flowered and reproduced new seedpods on the International Space Station — the first major crop growth cycle to be completed in space. The beans have now come back home via Space Shuttle Atlantis, and the researchers will examine them to determine if they have improved oil, protein, carbohydrates or other characteristics that could benefit farmers and consumers. They'll plant top candidates to see if the space beans can pass desirable genetic traits to future generations.

That's all very cool in a 21st-century science sort of way, but HELLO, don't these guys watch movies or read books? Every good sci-fi fan knows that bringing something back to Earth from space is just asking for trouble. Having absorbed all those unearthly cosmic rays, the astrobeans could easily mutate in ugly ways, causing hideous accelerated evolution in the human beings who consume them and leading to a new generation of murderous pod people. Or the beans could be playing host to other forms of life entirely, which the unsuspecting scientists at DuPont have already set loose to wreak havoc upon our planet. The third possibility is that the beans have, through the absorption of space radiation, achieved sentience themselves, and now that they understand the fate we have planned for them, they're mighty ticked off. So I wouldn't be so quick to praise this endeavor if I were you. I'd be stocking up the bomb shelter with plenty of canned goods . . . but no beans.

Sowing metaphorical wild oats in space definitely led to disastrous consequences for Captain Kirk and company in the original Star Trek series. In the episode titled "Space Seed" (episode #23, original air date Feb. 16, 1967), the crew of the starship Enterprise discovers a ship full of genetically altered humans who have been in suspended animation since the 20th century. Too impetuous to let sleeping mutants lie, Kirk revives the sleepers. He soon learns that among them is Khan Noonian Singh (played by Ricardo Montalban), who was specially bred to be a ruthless military leader. Khan's ambitions haven't faded during his three hundred-year nap, and he quickly sets about trying to take over the Enterprise and subvert Kirk's crew. Kirk finally regains the upper hand, of course, and after much deliberation decides that rather than send Khan and his henchpeople to prison, he'll beam them down to an uninhabited planet where they can conquer to their hearts' content. After the drop-off, Spock muses that it will be interesting to see what will spring from the seeds they've planted.

Fast-forward 15 years to 1982 and the movie Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Kirk and his merry men stumble across Khan and his again and find that their seeds have borne poisonous fruit. The nice little planet to which Kirk sent Khan turned out to be an inhospitable desert world, and the last decade and a half has been a living hell. Khan is mad as hell and won't take it any more; he exacts revenge against Kirk in grandiose fashion. Kirk emerges victorious, but just barely, and the epic battle costs him his best friend.

So be careful of the seeds you plant, and where, and tend them well.


"He tasks me. He tasks me, and I shall have him."