10/02/03’s illustrious band:

Mad Dog Charging

Brought to you by Jacque the writing coach.

"If the mad dog comes at you, whistle for him."

That's a bit of advice given Ms. Jacque by a writing teacher she had that she has passed on to her own students. If the mad dog comes at you, whistle for him. If the thing you fear comes at you, call it closer.

It really hit home when she said it tonight. It's not as if I've never heard this advice before. Kung fu guru Master Choi Wai-lun has been saying it for years, but he puts it this way: "You got to say fighting is your faaavorite thing, like chocolate." It even came up in the awareness seminar I attended over the weekend, wherein we identified things that we were fearing or resisting and deliberately chose to invite them into our lives. The goal is to demystify the scary thing by hauling it in for a good, close look.

Mad dogs? I've got a pack of them. There's chaos when I would prefer order. Uncertainty when I want long-range plans. Molasses incomprehension where I wish for quicksilver wit. Magic when I want science, and science on days I'm looking for a little magic. Choosing to lay it all on the line instead of saving face.

Well, I'm laying it on the line today, folks. I'm here to admit to you all, out loud and in public, that I am an essayist trapped in a journalist's body. I have a good job writing for a good magazine, but what I really want to do is sit around making stuff up like I'm doing right now. Maybe I'll publish a collection of essays or become a columnist, or both. I'm even taking baby steps toward making these things happen. And it's a damn scary prospect, because each step takes me a wee bit farther from the security of familiar territory. But it's got to be done, or I won't be being my best and truest self.

So you can all light candles and say prayers for me, or whatever it is you do to spread good vibes. (And don't worry, I'm keeping my day job.) I'll do the same for you as you pursue your dreams. What are they?

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