09/23/03’s illustrious band:

Pigmonkey

Brought to you by bald-faced hornets.

The Chicken Step Lady and her friends got to musing one day that bald-faced hornets almost certainly do not refer to themselves as bald-faced hornets. That’s a label that’s been assigned to them by outsiders, namely us. They probably think of themselves as much nobler creatures. And if given the chance, they would probably be happy to assign an equally unflattering name to human beings, like “pigmonkey,” since we tend to chatter like monkeys and have hides like swine.

Speaking of pigmonkeys reminds me, naturally, of my ex-husband, El Pendejo. You’re all familiar by now with the EP-related problems I’ve had, such as being charged for parking tickets that accumulated on his pickup after I thought my name was off the title. A few weeks ago I gave up trying to get the pickup’s actual owners, EP’s parents, to pay the fines and forked over the money myself, lest the Department of Revenue seize my paycheck. I sent my ex-in-laws copies of the paperwork but did not expect to be reimbursed.

Last night, however, I received a very pleasant surprise in the form of a note from my ex-mother-in-law, along with a check for the amount of the parking fines. Well, huzzah! She apologized for taking so long about it, but it’s been tough for them to face up to the irresponsible behavior of their son. I can understand that; it’s never easy to admit that someone you love is a sociopath.

Ex-MIL also invited me to have dinner with her and ex-FIL so that we can talk through the whole business of my split from their son, suggesting that it might be therapeutic for both sides. I’ve turned down similar requests from them in the past, feeling unready to renew my connection with his family,. However, this time she piqued my curiosity by mentioning that they want to talk to me before they talk with EP -- about his irresponsibility with that pickup and some other stuff -- because they’re in the process of updating their wills.

You don’t suppose they’re planning to disinherit the little wanker, do you? The trouble, financial and otherwise, that he’s caused them in the last three years alone would be more than enough to warrant such a step. The prospect of getting that kind of dirt on my ex, straight from the source, sounds too good to pass up, so I think I’m going to agree to meet them for dinner. (Picture me rubbing my hands with anticipation.) I’ll let you know what I find out.

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