11/08/02’s illustrious band:

Hair Pill

Brought to you by an anonymous member of a certain health and wellness club.

Sometimes members of the health and wellness club e-mail questions to the editorial offices to be answered by, according to our marketing materials, a panel of health experts. Sometimes the messages are clear and succinctly worded, and sometimes the “question” consists only of a list of the sender’s health problems.

And sometimes the subject line of the e-mail is the best part. Such is the case with a query we received recently for which the subject line read Hair Pill. The writer was inquiring whether we had heard about a new oral medication for preventing hair loss, but it took me a while to get that far.

Hair pill? I don’t know about you, but I envision a pill made of hair. A sugar pill is made of sugar, so logically a hair pill should be made of hair, right? And a blood pressure pill should be made of -- ick! But can’t you just see it? A mini-brillo pad stuffed into a clear gelatin capsule, with a few stray strands sticking out at the seam -- or no capsule at all. It would certainly feel . . . interesting going down.

So of course you’d take a pill filled with the kind of hair you wanted. Long and blonde? Dark and wavy? Electric blue and pointy? Down the hatch. Changing your color or style would be as simple as switching medications or adjusting the dosage. You’d have to take your medicine with a cinnamon roll if you wanted your hair in a bun, or with a pretzel if you wanted a braid -- a whole handful of mini-pretzels for cornrows.

Better than Rogaine, but I’m not so optimistic about the aftertaste.

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Note to Bloglet subscribers: To solve the problems with special characters, apostrophes, etc., I was thinking of having a link to the main web site, rather than the whole BND posting, sent to your mailboxes. That means an extra click between you and 90 seconds of band name goodness, but at least you would get to see the text as it is meant to be seen. Let me know what you think of this idea. PLEASE e-mail me at jugglernaut@hotmail.com.