Kelly and the Farters

Brought to you by the nifty city of Atlanta.

First order of business: head over to Johnny's place to see more Dragon*Con photos! Johnny is my Treo buddy from the Masquerade line. He got more and better pictures than I did, including some of the costume parade through the streets of Atlanta and the Masquerade — and the lovely shirtless boy with the saber on his head. Go see, and tell him I sent you.

And now, down to the serious part. Wouldn't want you to think I spent the entire Labor Day weekend geeking out at the con.

When you hang around with teachers, as I did while in Atlanta, you learn a few things whether you want to or not. Thanks to Kelly, Jennifer, and Cathy for giving me an education. Here are a few of the things I picked up. And no, they do not include the lovely shirtless boy with the sword on his head, which is too bad, because it's a really nice saber.

• Atlanta is the home of the original Krispy Kreme donut shop. Secret ingredient: crack. Yes, they really are that addictive. I hadn't thought so until I tried one two fresh and warm straight out of the grease. The evil Krispy Kreme people will grab one from beneath its shower of liquid sugar glaze and press it into your hand, smiling and murmuring, as do dealers the world over, "Try one. Free." Evil! Avoid the "HOT NOW" sign.

  
  

• Atlanta is also home to things that are a little more helpful, like CNN headquarters. We took a backstage tour that began with a pass through a metal detector (which I failed due to change in my pockets), followed by a ride up the world's longest freestanding escalator, which rises some eight stories into the stratosphere. From on high, we prowled catwalks overlooking news gatherers, writers, copyeditors, producers, camera operators, and even some on-air anchors bustling about their jobs. There's a mini-studio where you can try your hand at reading news copy from a TelePrompTer or forecasting the weather in front of a giant green screen, with the actual map added behind you through computer magic.
  Tip: If your tour guide happens to be from New Orleans, don't pick the week of Hurricane Katrina to ask what he thinks of the government's handling of communications among disaster response agencies.

  
  

• Centennial Olympic Park is right across the street from CNN. Hostess Jennifer volunteered at the Atlanta Olympics, the Games where a bomb went off and the wrong man was accused. Remember? There's a fountain in that park that kids can play in, dodging jets of water as they erupt from the ground. Looks like fun, but we didn't stick around to test our agility.

  
  

• Coca-Cola comes from Atlanta — one more reason to love the city. Whenever I asked a waiter, "Can I get a Coke?" the answer was always yes. None of that "Is Pepsi okay?" nonsense. No, Pepsi is not okay! Why do you think I asked for Coke? Coke is it. I drank plenty while I was there, AND Kelly drove me past the home of Coke's big cheese. Nice.

  
  

• The big NO sign hanging above an Atlanta street is not there for passengers to read aloud to annoy the driver. It indicates that you should not drive in that lane because it's a turn lane.

  
  

• Some high school students have behavioral disorders such as socialization problems and anger management issues, and others have . . . how can I put this delicately? Okay, I can't, but Kelly has a student with flatulence management issues. The . . . issues . . . worsen when the student is under pressure, like when he suffers from test anxiety. While auditory impact usually is not a problem, olfactory impact is, and Kelly has had to issue cans of air freshener to the afflicted student's classmates to deploy in times of need. Many young people might feel embarrassed by such a condition, but Kelly's student does not. In fact, he has been seen waving the fallout away from his seat during high-volume incidents. (No photo available.)

  
  

All right, that's all the time we have for today. Tomorrow: I solve Case of the Hideous Hotel Carpeting. Okay, somebody else (Tania) solves it. But I report it.

Photos today? YES, if you follow instructions. Johnny's place, I said.

Today around the world: September 12 is National Day in the Cape Verde Islands.