Today's illustrious band:

Juvenile Dinnerware

Brought to you by an aisle marker at Target. The marker meant to indicate that bowls, plates and cups for kids were located in a certain aisle. But the first thing I thought was that the mature dinnerware was probably in the next aisle and the midlife crisis cutlery a couple rows down.

How do you know if you've picked up juvenile dinnerware by mistake? Juvenile dinnerware is poorly behaved, prone to throwing food and snickering anytime a "naughty" word comes up in mealtime conversation. Juvenile dinnerware rejects all green vegetables, depositing them directly in front of the dog. In fact, juvenile dinnerware would prefer that you dispense with new menu items altogether and stick to macaroni and cheese, hotdogs and baloney sandwiches on white bread, no crusts.

Wait — I just described myself.